From landing a first date to establishing emotional intimacy, playful flirtation to red-hot bedroom tips, Matthew’s insightfulness, irreverence, and warmth makes Get the Guy: Learn Secrets of the Male Mind to Find the Man You Want and the Love You Deserve a one-of-a-kind relationship guide and the handbook for every woman who wants to get the guy she’s been waiting for.
Get over your fear of rejection. The fear of rejection can be a powerful emotion that prevents you from putting yourself out there and finding a man. Rejection can cause someone physical and emotional pain, and past experiences may shape how you see your current relationships in a negative way. To reduce fears of rejection, make sure you aren’t investing too much emotionally into one moment. Another way to get over the fear of rejection is to desensitize yourself to it over time. That is, introduce yourself to many men and get used to rejection occasionally. Gradual exposure is a common treatment for people who have phobias or people with anxiety.
A friend and I were talking this morning. He’d set up a date a couple weeks back and I was curious about where they were going but he told me, “It’s going to be tomorrow night instead. She texted me a reschedule.”
The predator model of love leads to a hunter’s way of dating: Seek large gatherings of your prey, dangle a false self as bait, wait for an individual to stray from the herd, then pounce on him with all the wit and wile it takes to bring him down. Internet matchmaking services, singles bars, speed dating, personal ads and even blind dating all borrow from this “statistical mass” logic. I’ve seen clients spend years dating this way, entering one briefly exciting, painfully doomed relationship after another. This is not a numbers game. It’s a soul search.
Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit gettingrelationshipsright.com for more resources to help your relationships.
Guys LOVE confident, independent women. Just remember not to be OVERLY independent or you’ll make him feel like he’s not needed. The trick is to find a balance between making your man feel needed without making him feel like you’re clinging to him.
I am a simpleton, therefore I am a… uh… simpleton? Anyway, I’m a guy of simple tastes, at least I think I am and it doesn’t take much to get my attention. Obviously a woman disrobing in front of me is a great way to get my attention, but let’s face it ladies, you’re not going to pony up and show me the goods right off the bat. That’s okay. I like a challenge.
Beyond that, if you have female friends, keeping their company can also help you attract other women. This is a bit different though. Rather than being seen as a dominant male by joking with other men, you will be seen as a valuable male by having other women already choose to be in your company. This is called “mate choice copying” in the literature. Women generally prefer and take notice of men who are approved of by other women… So, if you have female friends, hang out with them too…
A man wants a woman who just “gets” him. He wants her radiance and femininity to draw him in the way his masculine energy attracts her. He wants a woman who appreciates his ability to protect, provide and solve problems. He wants her to admire him for his steadiness and sense of calm under pressure. He doesn’t want to feel emasculated because he’s way more logical and analytical and doesn’t (necessarily) cry at sappy movies.
Personality and a sense of humor are pretty huge to me and, I imagine, every Tom, Dick and Harriet out there. If a girl can make me laugh that’s really a great start. I also am drawn to women that have a personality that commands attention; you know she’s in a room, hard to ignore, the personality is warm and welcoming. She gets attention without really trying, to me, that’s incredibly sexy.
Wanting what we cannot have is a common mental quirk that we all possess. Within the social influence research, this is called “Scarcity” (Cialdini, 2009). Essentially, we are all hard-wired to believe things that are difficult to obtain, or rare, are also valuable and desirable. However, this is not always the case. Sometimes the rare and expensive is truly valuable…other times it is just some junk a person put a high price tag on!
Here’s a simple foolproof test: if it feels like you have to “fight” for your relationship, or it feels like you’re constantly battling to keep your relationship on track – that’s a strong sing you’re not compatible with each other.
Another tip: Applying makeup (of any kind) is best left for the powder room. Lining your lips in public is not sexy; it’s actually sort of tacky—so don’t think you’ll draw the worthwhile man’s attention that way. You won’t. However, if you preen well, you will definitely pique his interest and desire… in a good way. At the end of the day, he’ll be thinking of your poise, intelligence, and yes, your sex appeal—and that, after all, is your goal,
Play hard to get. The worst thing you can do is to smother a guy or appear desperate. Men are attracted to the thrill of the chase, so if you’re chasing after him, you’re taking away the challenge. Keep it low-key and keep him on the edge of his seat. Maintain your composure. Your outward indifference may make him want you more.
Men love being approached and a big part of my lesson was about ‘The Approach’. Below are the top 10 tips I was told by Alex, my (male) teacher for the day. Since going for my session, I got a man’s number at a party and have been feeling far more confident about my dating skills. The only way is up I hope….
Dress to kill. Dress in clothes that make you feel sexy. You don’t have to look like a tramp, just keep in mind the styles that are attractive to men. Wear feminine clothing that accentuates your figure and hugs your body just right. Use the colors red or pink to your advantage; remember, men are visual.
…and let a friend do it for you. Casey says pick a (preferably coupled-up) close friend and put her in charge of finding guys—any other guy you meet automatically goes in the friend zone. “You’ll only go on dates with someone she sets you up with,” Casey says. Not only does this help you date better men, you’ll also end up acting more genuinely around other guys you meet when the should-I-date-him pressure’s off.
And when men were asked to choose which of the film’s scenes they’d like to enact, 40 percent chose a romantic encounter (read: kissing or caressing without intercourse) while another 15 percent chose an intimate conversation. Only 20 percent chose a full-on sex scene. We may have 1,000 or so sexual fantasies, but only in some of them are we the cable guy who arrives just as you’re getting out of the shower. In others we’re Paul Rudd.
Once you understand this, it kind of takes the pressure of the entire ‘hunt’. Humor is a great way to attract a guy to you, and to make him be interested in you, and if you’re wondering why, it’s simply because men love to be around women who are entertaining and know how to make him laugh. We always say men are not serious enough, well: draw a conclusion from it. That means they love to joke around, so once you know this take it to your advantage, trust us, you can’t go wrong.
The first step is to change our undesirable habits. We do this by reminding ourselves that we are being noticed, even if for a split second. Frankly, it matters that we emit a positive and interesting vibe. By developing an aura of natural confidence we are also more likely to weed out undesirable men. How so?
Finding a good man can be a struggle for a lot of guys. You have to figure out where to meet them, how to approach them, and then how to gain and keep their attraction. For people that don’t naturally have good social skills, it can be like solving a puzzle. Luckily, there are techniques you can use and things you can do to not only get a man but maintain a strong and healthy relationship for the long run.