In his book, Get the Guy, Matthew Hussey—Cosmopolitan columnist, Today show dating expert, motivational speaker, relationship guru, and matchmaker—reveals the secrets of the male mind and the fundamentals of dating and mating for a proven, revolutionary approach to help women to find lasting love.
And of course, as everyone knows, like attracts like. As Margaret Paul, Ph.D said: “People attract each other at their common level of woundedness or their common level of health.” It’s easier and gets better long-term results to fix the core problem than to practice acting.
For example, suppose you’re sitting somewhere, say at a cocktail party, and plenty of interesting men are milling about. Now is your time to preen. You can decide to smooth your skirt… simply run your hand from thigh to knee (while he’s watching, of course), or you might adjust the strap of your high heel ever so slightly, and then gently splay your fingers softly from ankle to mid-calf. Just checking, you know… to see if everything is in place. You’re preening a little.
Therefore, I encourage you to continue to screen out such men who are “deficient” in attributes you desire – but only to the extent that you are truly of high value yourself. If you are willing and able to offer men high worth in feminine areas that they desire, then I see no reason why you should not ask the same in return. Attractive and accomplished individuals can afford to be choosy, as they are trading a lot in return. However, if you are simply asking for a lot from them, without having much to offer back, then you might be making the same mistake as the men you are rejecting online.
There are two common ways people protect their egos in these situations by creating biases that blind them. On one hand, they may expect very little of themselves and make excuses for failures before they even happen. This is called Self-Handicapping (Tice, 1991). On the other hand, they may expect very little of others and make themselves feel superior by looking down at them. This is called Pre-Judging (Fein & Spencer, 1997).
Take care of your appearance. A woman who takes care of herself will attract men easier than one who doesn’t. Shower with nice-smelling bath products. Use a feminine scented deodorant. Brush your teeth well and always keep mints and gum on hand. If you talk to a guy and your breath is less than fresh, he’s not going to notice anything else about you. Keep your hair neat and clean and take pride in your looks. Use a perfume that smells sweet and sensual.
When a girl reveals her vulnerable side to a guy, it’s very hard for any guy to ignore her or avoid noticing her vulnerability. And the instant his mind connects with her vulnerability, it eliminates any thoughts of a threat and his protective side creates a bond of protection and attachment with her.
If you want to get a gal, then you need to be a bit more secure and social. Women generally like lovers who are confident. That means they notice someone who makes eye contact, walks around, takes up space, and is playful and physical. So, if you want her to notice you, brush up on your body language. Practice eye contact, relax your posture, and have fun with friends. Then, you will see a lot more women looking (and smiling) back!
A man also wants a woman who understands him. He wants a woman who knows why he thinks the way he thinks and does the things he does. She doesn’t always have to agree with him, but she at least needs to understand him and support the “little missions” he has in life.
Anyway, the most important factor to keep in mind when we wish to attract a man is to create an “aura of intrigue” in a such a way that it leaves a positive and subtle impression on the observer. In other words, you never want to be too obvious or seem as if you are desperate for attention. Subtlety is the key.
I appreciate that this book is about subtle nuances too. Often we don’t know what we do wrong because it’s not anything big but a subtle signal, and we don’t know why our positive signals are ignored & that’s because they are TOO subtle. This advice rang true because I’ve noted men in general communicate more with action & are generally MORE sensitive than women, meaning they need LOUDER positive signals & SOFTER negative ones. The author refers to this as the “fragile male ego” which is really SENSITIVITY.
The predator model of love leads to a hunter’s way of dating: Seek large gatherings of your prey, dangle a false self as bait, wait for an individual to stray from the herd, then pounce on him with all the wit and wile it takes to bring him down. Internet matchmaking services, singles bars, speed dating, personal ads and even blind dating all borrow from this “statistical mass” logic. I’ve seen clients spend years dating this way, entering one briefly exciting, painfully doomed relationship after another. This is not a numbers game. It’s a soul search.
I realize this may not be comfortable for you, but if you take baby steps and find a way to get truly comfortable “letting go” you will notice how much this turns a man on. Do what feels natural, not what you think you are “supposed to do.”
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My friend Marla used to believe that meeting a man was as easy as following her bliss. After she and her long-term boyfriend broke up, Marla decided to pursue the interests she had neglected when she was in a relationship. She took acting lessons, joined a book club, and became devoted to yoga.
I’m embarrassed to say that I was dumb enough to be conned by a slick snake oil salesman. That’s all he is. A cute , energetic , great salesman. Save your money , you already know all of his so called “secrets” and “tips”.There’s no wonder to me that he himself cannot retain a partner. I bought this and 2 others from his company .What a waste of my hard earned money!!
Your vibe is determined by what you’re truly, honestly feeling at the moment. That means that even if you tell yourself you’re in a great mood, if you’re honestly flustered, upset, or nervous it will come through in your vibe.
The truth is, you DON’T need a man in your life to be happy. As a strong, independent, confident woman you can stand on your own two feet and get through life just fine. But you shouldn’t let a man know that if you want to keep a guy interested.
Men want no manipulation of any kind. They do not want to have to read their partner’s mind or try to interpret signals. They do not want to be forced to move faster in a relationship than they are ready. They do not want to be manipulated into taking all the blame for things gone wrong. They do not want to be on the receiving end of game playing. Women think men want little or no communication, and the only way to get needs met is through manipulation. Women think men either need or want to be reminded that the relationship needs to move forward. Women think men don’t want or value praise and acknowledgment, and so tend to only verbalize criticism.
Kindness: A kind woman is the most attractive woman in the room. Men love it if a woman is kind to the people who maybe from a lower rung of society. It is very attractive if the woman makes it a point to be extra nice to servers at the restaurant.
And another thing that bother me about “feminists or overly strong women ” … Is why so extreme in their opinions ….. I have opinions but I love hearing other opinions why r u so mad if u obviously must have googled how to be more attractive to men haha 🙂
Does sending a facebook message to a random guy you just met in person look really desperate? I decided to take the plunge, and he replied but I’m still worried I look ‘desperate’. How do I play it cool?
Be sure to attract a decent guy though. It pains me to see a decent girl ending up with a worthless man. Women can do so much better than settle down with a worthless man. Women are independent and they can do their own thing. We don’t need a worthless man in our lives. We need a man that will complement us. We need a man that would go the extra mile just to make ends meet. We want a partner for life, not a liability. Let’s take a stand for all the independent women in the world. They deserve better men.
[…] For the male perspective on turn-ons and turn-offs, written by three of my favorite male dating bloggers (Jackie Summers, The Urban Dater, Jeffrey Platts and Fishy) see this collaborative post by Kelly Seal. […]
Hi, I tried to buy the attract any man video and the 4 other free things that were offered but the button did not appear. Can you send me a personal link so I may purchase it? Thank you! Cheryl, Canada.
What women think men want from them often causes women to have resentment and anger toward men, and feel hopeless about ever developing a wonderful, warm, romantic partnership. What men think women want from them often causes them much of the same feelings and frustration. The sad part is that it does not have to be this way, if only we would realize that both men and women are human beings first and pretty much want the same thing. But, you don’t have to take my word for this. I asked a number of men and women who are actively involved in personal growth and development what they want from a partner in order to build a great relationship. You will find their answers unexpected.
Keeping up a conversation: It would be a blessing if you can keep up a conversation other than just saying “hmmmm”, “k” etc. Please for God’s sake read some books, read the newspaper, contribute to the conversation. We need not Discuss International Taxation, Monetary policy, fiscal policy or Politics, but atleast you should be able to talk about the regular stuff in our life, like Cricket 😉
I unapologetically invest in, expect and am open to receiving the best from life—whether it’s traveling, eating, coaching, education, men, clothing or relationships. (And no, I was not born into a rich family. My parents immigrated to the United States, made their own way, and I did too).
This article sucks! “Contrary to popular belief, don’t be yourself. Evolve.” What is so wrong with being yourself?! Women and men need to be authentically themselves. It is so beautiful when you find someone who loves and cares about you because you are you. That is what love is, not some bullshit circus show.
Willing to do whatever it takes to make a man attracted to you? Then, you are in the right place. Here are 5 ways to effectively attract men that such as using your smile that that has never been put this simple.
Asking for and expecting it from those around you is the first step. The more you do it, the stronger that irresistible energy becomes. People will start feeling it too and soon, you won’t even have to ask anymore.
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If you’re unsure of the guy’s sexuality, pay close attention to his body language. If he’s closed off, seems uninterested, or pulls away when you make physical contact, there’s a good chance he’s not attracted to you.
Yes, physical attractiveness is very important to men, but it’s much more important to men prowling for a fling—who, studies show, tend to be younger men—than those after a steady mate. Yes, many men want younger women, but most of those reside on the short-term half of the spectrum; long-term guys tend to prefer women around their own age. Yes, men like the hourglass figure, but while they focus on the body over the face when looking for sex, the reverse is true for men looking for a relationship, studies report. (Women focus on the face either way.)
Being able to truly let go in the bedroom is going to make it so much more fun for both you and him. Holding back out of fear of being judged and being awkward will only do a disservice to both you and him.
Discover what men said they want from women as contrasted with what women think men want. You’ll also find tips for women to give men what they want, attract a great man, and create a wonderful relationship.
Unfortunately men can pick up on the signs, but the good news is there are many things you can do about it which means that before you know it, you will have attractive men throwing themselves at you just by applying some simple tips.
Personality and a sense of humor are pretty huge to me and, I imagine, every Tom, Dick and Harriet out there. If a girl can make me laugh that’s really a great start. I also am drawn to women that have a personality that commands attention; you know she’s in a room, hard to ignore, the personality is warm and welcoming. She gets attention without really trying, to me, that’s incredibly sexy.