Im a successful middle age womean. Six years ago my husband cheated on me. It was devastating. After realizing I no longer loved him, I left the marriage. Now Im interested in dating. But its been a while since Ive dated (18 yrs). I just don’t know how to get the process started. Ive met a few men who seem interested then all of a sudden things go cold. I dont know what Im doing wrong. Do you have any suggestions for me?
Hi FlourishAnyway. Thank you for sharing the hub! I’m happy that you enjoyed that particular section–about owning your space. It really does pay off where men are concerned, but I will say that sometimes some “petty” women will get a little catty about it…but that’s there problem and not ours. As always, I appreciate your insight about the positive and confident signals we send out.
Discover what men said they want from women as contrasted with what women think men want. You’ll also find tips for women to give men what they want, attract a great man, and create a wonderful relationship.
[…] For the male perspective on turn-ons and turn-offs, written by three of my favorite male dating bloggers (Jackie Summers, The Urban Dater, Jeffrey Platts and Fishy) see this collaborative post by Kelly Seal. […]
What do men want in a woman? It may seem like a loaded question, but really the answer is quite simple. While every guy has his own preferences when it comes to the physical–some like blondes, some like brunettes; some like petite, some like curvy–there are several fundamental qualities that all men crave in a woman.
That would mean that you are trying to get him to like the fake you, not the real you. If so, you can’t blame him for being confused later on, once you take the ‘mask’ off. So here is a little tip from us. Right off the bat, try to be yourself and show him what kind of person you are. It will save you both the time and hassle if you don’t like each other. It’s not just about the time, but it’s fair. We’re not suggesting you don’t take a shower for two days, and don’t do your hair, no. Keep it together, but don’t over do it. There is no need to act like a diva in front of a guy and pretend you are crazy about baseball if you’re actually not that kind of a girl. If you do, next thing you know: he’s taking you to weekly baseball games, and you’re not happy.
Thirdly, and I guess its part of being confident, is being organized. A man loves a girl who has things planned and ready. I won’t go into too much detail here, but generally a woman must all the bases covered and be punctual. If you are already living with a guy, make sure the house is well stocked with food and all the other stuff like shampoo, soap etc etc. Dinner must be on time. A man REALLY REALLY appreciates a woman who is on top of that sort of thing.
And of course, as everyone knows, like attracts like. As Margaret Paul, Ph.D said: “People attract each other at their common level of woundedness or their common level of health.” It’s easier and gets better long-term results to fix the core problem than to practice acting.
That’s better than nothing, I guess. But, people with (authentic) high self-esteem are naturally happy and confident and naturally like other people so they naturally do all that anyway. Most people can spot someone trying to fake self-confidence and/or happiness.
Arching your back reflects lordosis behavior (basically sticking your butt out), which almost every female mammal exhibits during estrus. Estrus is the sign that all our male mammalian cousins are waiting for: the female has approved of their mating dance and is sexually receptive (i.e., in heat). So think of all that DNA history pumping through the guy in aisle 3 when he sees you “stretch out” before you reach for the Rice Krispies.
“A practical guide to understanding a man’s point of view about love and romance and how a woman can optimize self-esteem and integrity to find the love she deserves.” (Judith Orloff, MD, New York Times best-selling author of Emotional Freedom)
When evolutionary psychologists review this show, they find evidence for a universal male urge to reproduce. A woman’s figure is a hallmark of her fertility, they argue, and men subconsciously know it. Researchers have documented a widespread, magnetic male attraction to a waist-to-hip ratio of .7—the classic hourglass. An eye-tracking study last year found that men start to evaluate a woman’s hourglassness within the first 200 milliseconds of viewing, which, based on my pedestrian observations, seems slow.
When the roles were reversed in the 1989 Clark-Hatfield study and men were doing the sexual offering, about half the women accepted the date. Very, very few agreed to come over that night. Not a single one agreed to go to bed. “You’ve got to be kidding,” was a common reply. “What is wrong with you?” was another. Some things haven’t changed much in the recent past, and aren’t likely to: In replications of the experiment, albeit on paper, researchers have consistently found that men are far more likely than women to accept the casual sexual offer.
Men want to be with a woman who needs them on more than just a superficial level. A man wants to feel like he’s your hero and your protector. If he feels he offers nothing to the relationship that you couldn’t have on your own, then he will leave.
Therefore, I encourage you to continue to screen out such men who are “deficient” in attributes you desire – but only to the extent that you are truly of high value yourself. If you are willing and able to offer men high worth in feminine areas that they desire, then I see no reason why you should not ask the same in return. Attractive and accomplished individuals can afford to be choosy, as they are trading a lot in return. However, if you are simply asking for a lot from them, without having much to offer back, then you might be making the same mistake as the men you are rejecting online.
I love him and can’t let him go but I find it difficult to talk freely and openly to him like before specially after that cheating thing. I do every single tip of the above to keep our relationship and he is complaining that I’ve changed!
This is difficult though… So, you can always give your male friend my website too. There are many tips in my archives and many more to come, which can help him make you feel passion for him. Therefore, you can feel passion for the more local choice and win all the way around.
Dress to kill. Dress in clothes that make you feel sexy. You don’t have to look like a tramp, just keep in mind the styles that are attractive to men. Wear feminine clothing that accentuates your figure and hugs your body just right. Use the colors red or pink to your advantage; remember, men are visual.
Be active, social, and attend events that you enjoy. Just because you’re a gay man, doesn’t mean that you need to go to exclusively gay events or establishments to meet a mate. Remember to keep a positive frame of mind, and get out and be social in the world. Take a community class or join a gym if you are having trouble interacting with other people. Take opportunities to attend social events with groups of friends and be kind and welcoming to people that you meet. A genuine and positive attitude will naturally attract other men to you. When you find someone you’re attracted to, put in additional effort to spend more time with them.
I have heard Matthew Hussey speak on the radio and I was looking forward to reading his book, bu I was dissapointed to learn that after every chapter I had to sign in to the websiteand become a paid member in order to look t th video that accompanied each chapter……I felt thi was more of a pay as you go long “help book” than anyhing else…….I was extremely dissapointed and expected more from the author…….
Whatever you do, be natural. After all, you really do have to smooth that skirt or adjust the strap of your high heels. Now… can you picture him peering at you out of the corner of his eye, his eyebrow raised in awareness, curiosity… and desire? Of course you can. Now we’re getting somewhere. Whatever preening you do, don’t rush, and don’t look around to see who’s watching. Simply own your space, mind your own business, and smooth away. This is an excellent way to draw men toward you. You are creating anticipation “in the air” and causing him to be pulled toward you.
In order to figure out how to make things happen off the Internet, I spoke to expert Adam LoDolce, who gives advice to both men and women as “The Dating Confidence Coach”. His new e-book, *The Top 5 Reasons Why Quality Guys Are NOT Approaching You (and How to Change That) *) deals with the subject (and can be downloaded for free!) and he agreed to give us his best tips for how get the guys to approach.
► Independence: An independent person is attractive because there is no love lost when each of them have to do their own stuff. There is no compulsion to do everything together. There is no need for constant pampering. A relationship is a team work. Each needs to know how to do their own work independently in order to play.
Her body language is closed. If her arms are crossed, she’s hunched over, her head is down, or her face is scowling, it’s hardly going to make me want to approach her. If you want to be approached, do your best to appear relaxed, open and inviting.
Bottom line is don’t rush things! Eventually she/he will be there to catch your eye. Give it a try. Things may not be perfect how you can imagine them to be but if you can live with their little flaws and care deeply about the person then you will feel in your heart that she/he is the right one for you. I was just looking at the wrong places at first and never will regret my children. Things happen for a reason and to learn from our mistakes.
Willing to do whatever it takes to make a man attracted to you? Then, you are in the right place. Here are 5 ways to effectively attract men that such as using your smile that that has never been put this simple.
When you really get what I’ve just shared and exude these nine traits, you will officially be in your man’s head — and in his heart as well. That’s because he will notice all the “logical” benefits of your wonderful traits right about the time his heart opens and “emotion” slowly enters the equation.
Great men want and need straightforward, courageous communication without anger or criticism. One way to attract a great man, and build a satisfying relationship, is to learn how to communicate your truth and needs effectively.
Something I’ve learned, which I think is true for both men and women, is that there are two sides of attraction. The obvious, conventional attraction is that one has towards the masculinity/feminity of the opposite sex. However, the full spectrum of attraction & sexual/romantic fulfillment relates to ones own “self attraction” to their masculine/feminine sexual energies and how their partner brings those out. I’ve found that when it comes to turning a girl on, often it is equally important for me to make her feel beautiful, sexy, and seductive as it is for me to put effort into being the source of her attraction. Partly through compliments, but moreso through body queues that let her feed off my passion & attraction for her beauty & femininity, which stimulates her attraction towards her own sexuality. Both women & men are almost equally attracted to their own masculine/feminine sexual energies as they are to the opposite sexes. The naive may say, “A man being attracted to masculinity? That’s gay!”, but there’s a large difference between a man wanting to form a relationship & have sex with other men than being attracted to the way a woman makes him feel about his own masculinity & sexuality. Hence, why many enjoy having sex in a mirror or watching themselves on a porno vs having eyes on your partner alone.
It also makes him feel a much deeper connection to you. If you put in the time to find out why he’s so passionate about his favorite subject, he’ll feel like you get him as a person, on a deep deep level.
There’s a lot of debate about being completely bare or being mostly bare and having a landing strip. You can do a bunch of different fun things with this. And another benefit (in addition to men finding it hot) is that you will feel sexy knowing you are “groomed” down there. It’s just as much for you to feel sexy as it is for him to find you sexy.
I don’t know about you guys, but I hardly ever meet guys in regular life situations. You may have noticed that most of the dating escapades I tell you about are of the online persuasion. Which is fine, and I’ll continue to try that angle, but it would be nice once in a while to just meet a guy the old-fashioned way, right? (By old-fashioned I mean like, at a bar. Not an arranged marriage or anything.)
Also, I find ironic that being demure and coy are now sought after qualities by men, when I have been criticized so much growing up for being soft-spoken and shy. ( I’ve become much more assertive over the years). Maybe being demure isn’t so attractive on western women?
A subsequent study led by Eastwick confirmed that men don’t always recognize what they want in a woman. The researchers asked male participants to list a few traits they like in a lady. Then some of them had a brief, live interaction with a female who matched these interests, while others had a similar interaction with someone who didn’t.
Take a good look at yourself. Psychological studies have shown that people seek out partners to fill a psychological void. Sometimes these voids are unhealthy; for example a woman who is unhealthy will actually seek out any man for the “high of seduction” or to get attention and feel desirable. Look inside yourself and ask yourself why you want a man so badly, be truly honest with yourself, and, if need be, talk to a therapist about this. Someone with issues only attracts a guy with issues as well, and a good, real man doesn’t want anything to do with someone who has more issues than TIME magazine. If you want a good, healthy relationship with a real man, make certain that your own mental state and intentions are healthy.
What an eye-opener, i hate it when men act desperate with me and yet when I like I guy sometimes I can act so desperate around them and its so true that its caused by panic, from now on all panic is banished!