Many people, however, go into dating without any clear logic or goals. They lead with their feelings only and then wonder why they don’t get anywhere! Sure, there is something to be said for “enjoying the journey”. However, if a person desires to get somewhere specific (e.g. marriage, kids, etc.), then it is very handy to have a map too! Without one, they tend to drive in circles and, not surprisingly, find themselves with the same partners time after time.
Lastly, a gal that doesn’t take care of herself. This is partly tied to appearance, truth be told. A woman that doesn’t take good care of herself physically is more prone to be lacking in other areas of her life, too. There’s a lot of fixing up to be done, in some cases. If a woman is fine being out of shape and not taking care of herself and has no other issues, that’s okay, too. However, I want a woman that cares about her well being and physical health as much as I care about my own; it’s as simple as that.
Nothing: Yes, sometimes none of the above. Sometimes they just like a girl, without rhyme or reason. The world stops for him when he sees thegirl, and they’re not going to trade that for anything in the whole wide world. This is something completely unique to guys only.
I agree with this article mostly a few things I don’t agree with but everyone has there own opinion. I haven’t been single since I was 14 and let me tell you 14 and 15 I didn’t have anyone to be that serious with me because I acted to tomboyish I thought that was what guys liked plus I was still pretty imature. Before I go any further, I just wanted to say yes I sometimes think to myself I wish I would of gave single a chance more often in my life instead of being so young and boy crazy but I wouldn’t take it back any of it because it did make me learn what type of man I wanted after dating boys, it made me realize what type of man I wanted in the long run. I turned 16 I started to act more cute, flirty and girly and I started to get the guys I wanted instantly. Now I am 23 and I have the man of my dreams he is HOT! caring sweet understanding and still at the same time very manly I love it I never thought this kind of man existed I thought men like him were too snooty and had there eyes closed so why would they notice a women like me. I was always a social butterfly. 6 months ago I found this man and I couldn’t believe how he just fell completly head over heels for me. I am alot more girly now adays where I am flirty but with him smiling and laughing all the time and I show my girly side, but I also love to go fishing and out doorsy and don’t mind doing guy things with him and he really loves that about him. He is very thoughtful on top of being a hottie I have always had men be rude to me in my past maybe because I have a little insecurity or just need someone to talk to so I’d call a best friend to talk or my mom so I could talk and wouldn’t make them mad. Now I have a partner who is my best friend and the person I need to talk with and it’s fantastic. If I feel a little insecure he’s loving to me he understands I am just afraid at times the relationships going to disapear or change and it’s because it still feels like a dream because he is my dream come true so it’s like I just feel as if anyone pinches me to wake me up from this dream I am going to rip there heads off he he jk lol! but seriously I couldn’t believe I am the first women he has ever moved in with because he’s never been this serious with anyone where he wanted a life with them and that makes me feel very lucky since he has been with a various of women and could of chose any of them but its like once he found me he knew exactly what he wanted a family a life time with me. so like I said I believe this article because I have lived it.
“Men seemed to have a heightened sense of the precariousness of the male gender role,” says University of South Florida psychologist Jennifer Bosson, the paper’s lead author. “We haven’t found many men willing to admit that my manhood is often in question, but when you ask men in general if manhood is something that’s easy to lose and hard to attain, they agree that’s the case.” Or, as the Kinsey Institute’s Julia Heiman puts it: “Heterosexual men have a little trouble saying they really like kissing and cuddling.”
Those are essentially your two choices though… Learn to see when your emotions are misleading you and use logic. OR, find someone who is both more suited to be a relationship partner and can trigger those emotions in you.
Men want a partner who can laugh at herself and who has courage and strength. They want a woman who can see her part in relationship dynamics and own it. She has to be emotionally stable. Men want a woman who is developing herself personally, and who takes responsibility for her emotional experience. Women think men only want to have a good time. Women think men have no interest in developing and growing a relationship or developing and growing themselves. Women think men want women who are supermodels, and that they never consider whether a woman is emotionally mature, kind, supportive, or loving.
Guys don’t like fake women so try to remember that. What attracts men the most is a woman who doesn’t pretend to be something else, so that a guy would like her, but is herself. You don’t need to pretend you are anything you are not.
There you are at the bar, in class, or at the grocery store. He’s 10 feet from you watching the game, studying Chaucer, or picking up canned tuna. After you give the 3-5 second glance over to him, coupled with your adorable smile, you then go back to your previous activity.
Next time you’re feeling fretfully single, try exploring your own nature: Write down your favorite foods or colors or songs or books or sports. Visit a therapist. Embark on a voyage of self-discovery for its own sake and because it is on that journey that you are likely to bump into the perfect traveling companion.
[…] For the male perspective on turn-ons and turn-offs, written by three of my favorite male dating bloggers (Jackie Summers, The Urban Dater, Jeffrey Platts and Fishy) see this collaborative post by Kelly Seal. […]
The newsletter is packed full of tips that will not only show you how to attract men and the signs of attraction from men, but also ways you can keep them interested and even how to get them to commit once you’re in a relationship. If you’re tired of having mediocre relationships and want to understand how to attract men easily then you need to check it out today.
Well, hello brake12. It’s true that some women are naturals. The good news is that good habits can be learned with enough commitment. It’s worth the extra effort–for sure!. Also, Aubrey, I thank you for pinning. I’m delighted that you enjoyed the hub.
Some women are more innocent and cutesy, others more seductive and intense, others a combination of all these… some are more outgoing and expressive, others are more shy and want a man to take control.
Negativity. Nothing drains me more than a woman who is perpetually negative, with a bad attitude. One of my exes was so keen to rag on her co-workers; it was the bulk of what we’d talk about. She would make fun of these people, if she wasn’t doing that she was worried about how someone wronged her at work… Man, I couldn’t deal. When she would come by, she’d immediately hop into bed and not for any “bounce house” antics either. You don’t realize how much a negative person drains from you until you’ve kicked them to the curb!
You don’t have to change yourself just to attract men, but change yourself to become a better you. Have you ever walked into a room full of attractive women, and found yourself thinking that a few of those girls were better than you in some way? When you meet a woman and find yourself in awe of her for any reason at all, it only means you admire and want some particular trait of hers that you lack yourself.
What attracts a man to a woman is a subjective question. It depends on many variables: race, age of the man, what era and which culture he belongs to. For example in some tribes in Africa (Mursi tribe in Ethiopia), the women wear large lip plate in their mouth to look more attractive!
Though I agree with Serena over the article. I will say… we as Americans are failing to appreciate our gender differences. Just read an article which may or may not be true that American men have 40% average less testosterone than 50 years ago.
Don’t ask how I stumbled onto this website. These guests had some good pointers, but I can tell you the one thing that is mostly important to ALL men is that a woman MUST look after herself and her appearance if she wants any sort of magnetism. Doesn’t matter if you are overweight, or skin and bones – your appearance goes a long way in attracting the right type of man. If you dress like a slut, you will attract rubbish. Dress like a hobo and, well you will attract the flies? Lol. Seriously, first of all, appearance is a reflection of who you are. Unfortunately, people do judge a book by its cover, especially men, SO LOOK GOOD AND RESPECTABLE if you want to attract the right man. There is nothing better for me than being in public with my fiancee and she looks nice, because ultimately her appearance is a reflection of her respect towards me as her partner. The same applies to men.
The meaning of the finding, Ackerman and colleagues report in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, turns on the commitment continuum. In subsequent tests, the researchers discovered that short-term guys felt a decrease in happiness when women declared “I love you” after sex. They’d said it first to score quickly, the finding suggests, and then, having scored, began to realize what they’d done.
Another tip: Applying makeup (of any kind) is best left for the powder room. Lining your lips in public is not sexy; it’s actually sort of tacky—so don’t think you’ll draw the worthwhile man’s attention that way. You won’t. However, if you preen well, you will definitely pique his interest and desire… in a good way. At the end of the day, he’ll be thinking of your poise, intelligence, and yes, your sex appeal—and that, after all, is your goal,
Been married over 9 yrs, noticed changes in spouses behavior and work routine. He now commutes 45 min to another work location 2 days/week, work later, and communicates less with me while at work, ie 1 call/ a day after 2:00pm. Noticed in 1 month several withdrawal of ATMs back to back, $600, $400, $200 on days commuting, as well as, excessive spending on the same day of withdrawals.
When I hear you saying that he complains you have changed, it makes me feel like he’s not truly sorry and that he just wants you to “get over it” overnight and be like you were before. And he doesn’t want to be held accountable for what he’s done.
The article is so long, and talks about so many things and tips, but all you women who feel threatened by feminine girls just jump on one point the author claims, that Asian girls behave in a more feminine way. Do you even see how you’re all behaving? Like insecure brats!! Just read the whole article and stop picking the one thing that makes you feel insecure, for crying out loud!! Instead, try to understand a guy’s mind better.
If you want to get a gal, then you need to be a bit more secure and social. Women generally like lovers who are confident. That means they notice someone who makes eye contact, walks around, takes up space, and is playful and physical. So, if you want her to notice you, brush up on your body language. Practice eye contact, relax your posture, and have fun with friends. Then, you will see a lot more women looking (and smiling) back!
Plz sombody hlp. I want to do sex wid my bf but he isnt interested as he has so many tension in his mind,and he always telling me dat we wil do sex but not befoe our marriage but i need him now.. He doznt undrstand my feelings..plz give sum suggestion so dat i can attracted him towards me plz 🙁
Fact: A man’s sexual organ is not in his pants, it’s in his eyes. We men are visual creatures, plain and simple. Nature made us that way. It’s how we operate. Ask any man what happens when he walks in a new room, and five out of six will say something like, “I do an immediate scope and rank all the ladies in the vicinity.”
Time and chance can change a man’s physical ideals as much as place. One research team recently compared the measurements of Playboy Playmates of the Year from 1960 to 2000 to economic conditions in the United States over the same period and found that tougher times called for larger playmates. A 2005 study in Psychological Science reported that men who were manipulated to feel either hungry or poor preferred heavier female figures—a sign that, according to the researchers, resource availability can “influence preferences for potential mates” even among Western males in a wealthy culture. In other words, we can live in New York but possess a Zulu state of mind.
Here’s a simple foolproof test: if it feels like you have to “fight” for your relationship, or it feels like you’re constantly battling to keep your relationship on track – that’s a strong sing you’re not compatible with each other.
Don’t change anything. You’re now in the honeymoon period, where you have some time to get used to each other. This is the time that you do the cute things of the relationship. Come up with a song together that you can label as “Our song.” Some great ones can be “I could not ask for more” by Edwin McCain, “Something Coming Over”, by O.A.R., “Breathing”, by Lifehouse, “Amazed”, by Lonestar. These are only examples, you can choose yourself, this is just a guide for what you should look for. Also, if you have a band you both mutually are really into, try to choose a song by that band. Make sure to read the lyrics and understand the song before you pick though. Some songs can be deceiving with their meanings.
Wonderful post! I think if I could have applied this wisdom from a younger age I would not have all the relationship problems I’ve been experiencing again and again. Thanks for helping me feel there is definitely a way to not feel desperate, now I have hope. Jean X
Im a successful middle age womean. Six years ago my husband cheated on me. It was devastating. After realizing I no longer loved him, I left the marriage. Now Im interested in dating. But its been a while since Ive dated (18 yrs). I just don’t know how to get the process started. Ive met a few men who seem interested then all of a sudden things go cold. I dont know what Im doing wrong. Do you have any suggestions for me?
The solution – looking for a good partner, not a perfect one. There are simply better and worse partners out there. Some are more fit for a relationship than others. There is not, however, a “perfect and unique fit” for each of us. The best that can be hoped for is finding a reasonably-compatible person, who will be willing to cooperate, and working with them to create a mutually-satisfying exchange. Yes, this is far less romantic…but it works!
What makes a man select one woman over another often boils down to how she makes him feel. It’s not how beautiful she is. It’s not how smart she is or how rich her parents are. At the end of the day, the most irresistible woman is the one who makes a man feel good.
Men can sense your vibe and you don’t have to say anything to make it come across; in fact, the less you “try” to “prove” what a good mood you are in and the more you focus on actually being in a good mood, the better off you will be.
The predator model of love leads to a hunter’s way of dating: Seek large gatherings of your prey, dangle a false self as bait, wait for an individual to stray from the herd, then pounce on him with all the wit and wile it takes to bring him down. Internet matchmaking services, singles bars, speed dating, personal ads and even blind dating all borrow from this “statistical mass” logic. I’ve seen clients spend years dating this way, entering one briefly exciting, painfully doomed relationship after another. This is not a numbers game. It’s a soul search.
Flirting is much like a smile. It lets a man know you’re interested. It tells a man you accept him and are pleased with him. It makes a man feel at ease around you, thereby making you more approachable and increasing the chance a guy will ask you out.
Therefore, I encourage you to continue to screen out such men who are “deficient” in attributes you desire – but only to the extent that you are truly of high value yourself. If you are willing and able to offer men high worth in feminine areas that they desire, then I see no reason why you should not ask the same in return. Attractive and accomplished individuals can afford to be choosy, as they are trading a lot in return. However, if you are simply asking for a lot from them, without having much to offer back, then you might be making the same mistake as the men you are rejecting online.
Men and women are desperate for uniqueness, a person with independent thoughts, not a receiver or followers of the news and trends, someone who can analyse things and come up with their her own conclusions.
Tip #4: Be easy to approach, hard to obtain. Although we’re torn on whether playing hard to get is a good thing or not—for the record, Adam says that men DO want a challenge when it comes to winning you over—it’s common sense that most men are terrified to make the move. So save the challenge for later, Adam advises: “Make it easy for them, open up your body, make eye contact and give them the clear signal that it’s cool to break the ice. One the ice is broken, now you can tease him, test him and make him work for it…just the way he likes it.”
First off, the post is awesome and not because i’m in it! =) Seriously, great stuff and what an honor to be included by such an amazing collection of Male Bloggers that I share such great respect for.
Of course, you are more than just looks, but if you want to capitalize on a 20-million-year-old process that’s embedded in our DNA to attract men into your territory, then let’s study the art of body language and see if it affects the amount of men you attract into your circle. After all, 85 percent of all communication comes through the body.