Be intelligent, but not a know-it-all. Men like women who have it together and who won’t embarrass them in a conversation; they like women who know something about a lot of different things. It doesn’t have to be politics and sports, it just has to be something you are passionate about and truly understand. And they hate know-it-alls; drop that quality immediately.
I have recently moved closer to him so we can see each other more often (which is about once every 2-3 weeks). Starting out in a new city, without friends, and spending most evenings at home, i have noticed that i have become very clingy to my boyfriend. I call him up at dawn so he can wake up and go online. I have been nagging more and just really made him my everything! I hate this because it gets me paranoid, and i always get upset if he not available to chat. I know this is not good for any of us but i just cant stop.
…and let a friend do it for you. Casey says pick a (preferably coupled-up) close friend and put her in charge of finding guys—any other guy you meet automatically goes in the friend zone. “You’ll only go on dates with someone she sets you up with,” Casey says. Not only does this help you date better men, you’ll also end up acting more genuinely around other guys you meet when the should-I-date-him pressure’s off.
But some things have changed. One re-creation of the classic study, which was conducted by an international group of researchers and published in Human Nature, found that men are much more likely to date a woman than they had been in 1989. Although the updated study was conducted on paper, not in person, it included a larger and more diverse population of men, and it varied the attractiveness of the sex solicitor. More men were willing to date a “slightly unattractive” woman than were willing to sleep with an “exceptionally attractive” woman, 87 percent to about 82.
Be yourself. If a man/woman doesn’t like you for who you are, then they need to go be with someone they do like. Maybe you don’t like awkward silences so you fill them in. That’s part of who you are. Maybe you tend to plan it advance, part of who you are, you cant help it. Don’t bother reading or listening to this, people will be attracted to who you really are, not who this guy tells you to pretend to be.
Men want a woman to choose them out of want rather than out of desperation — either materially or emotionally. Men need to be wanted and needed by their partners, but they want their partners to have a separate identity. Men want a woman to be active and independent, to have her own friends and interests. On the other hand, men treasure time spent with a loving partner. Women think men don’t want women to need them. Women think men do not need or appreciate time spent together as a couple. Women believe that showing a man he is needed will turn him off and possibly make him run away.
Jack – My my, Kissinger and Latin in a short blurb about how women attract you? I’m in awe. Latin is badass, and I’m unashamed of the fact that I think that Kissinger is a stud. Eloquent and swoon-worthy, as always (you, not Kissinger… OK, well maybe both of you…). How do you not have droves of unconscious women at your feet wherever you walk?
Agreed! And let’s face it, every woman is too good for a man. Mainly because they don’t see themselves as superior and don’t abuse men the way men abuse women. Considering all the shit they suffer from men women should be hating them.
Men love being approached and a big part of my lesson was about ‘The Approach’. Below are the top 10 tips I was told by Alex, my (male) teacher for the day. Since going for my session, I got a man’s number at a party and have been feeling far more confident about my dating skills. The only way is up I hope….
Display intelligence and depth. Don’t say “like” and “um” in every sentence. Intelligence is sexy. A smart woman who knows what she wants and how to get it will attract men everywhere she goes. Displaying your intellect reveals that you have depth. This will attract men more effectively than coming across as dim.
2) Work – People who work together tend to share many common bonds and interests. Part of this is because working together allows individuals to get to know each other and establish a base line friendship before moving into a relationship.
Be the woman who encourages a guy’s night out. A woman who, not only allow a guy’s night out, but also insists on it is a rockstar to any guy. The catch is that you have to really mean it. And if you do, he will be thinking about you the whole time he is out and won’t even notice the other girls around him.
A good way to meet someone is through other people, or activities you enjoy. Some advice about being genuine: Don’t take up hobbies or habits just to meet someone. If you meet him in a bar, he’s liable to be a drinker. If you meet him in a house of worship, he’s likely to be religious. First impressions are important, so if his first impression of you is “party person”, it will be difficult to change. The same thing goes for if his first impression of you is “uptight person” or “mind-game person”.
Women who appreciate them: It does not matter whether she thinks your new project report is well drafted, or that your workout regime is impressive. Men like it when women pay attention to the little details, and tell men that they admire them/ what they do.
Whatever you do, be natural. After all, you really do have to smooth that skirt or adjust the strap of your high heels. Now… can you picture him peering at you out of the corner of his eye, his eyebrow raised in awareness, curiosity… and desire? Of course you can. Now we’re getting somewhere. Whatever preening you do, don’t rush, and don’t look around to see who’s watching. Simply own your space, mind your own business, and smooth away. This is an excellent way to draw men toward you. You are creating anticipation “in the air” and causing him to be pulled toward you.
Quirks: Every person has a quirk. And your quirk may make you more adorable. Maybe how your twirl your hair when thinking, twitch your eyes when nervous, or the way you sigh cutely……those do attract men who aren’t looking for plastic toys to play with.
Knee, C. R. (1998). Implicit theories of relationships: Assessment and prediction of romantic relationship initiation, coping, and longevity. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74, 360–370.
Don’t be the bad guy. Girls, as much as you don’t believe it, like the guy who listens to them more than the tough guy. Yes, they want to feel protected physically, but nothing beats being emotionally protected. This is very important.
Speaking from 38+ years of marriage … I want a woman who takes care of herself for me. The same as I take care of myself for her. A woman who lets herself go once she has landed her man is saying “I’m in this for me alone”. Of course the reverse is true, a man who does not take care of himself for his woman is just as guilty. Ladies and Gentlemen, successful relationships are not 50% / 50% deals, they are 100% / 100% deals. Be committed to giving your 100% all the time.
There’s little doubt that men and women think differently and see the world from two entirely different perspectives. Men expect to be influenced by women when they are in a relationship and they even WANT to be influenced by you, but there’s a right way and a wrong way to go about trying to influence a man if you want to become irresistible to him.
Great men want and need straightforward, courageous communication without anger or criticism. One way to attract a great man, and build a satisfying relationship, is to learn how to communicate your truth and needs effectively.
One “striking” finding, to borrow the report’s own word, was a very strong connection between a man’s relationship satisfaction and his frequency of physical intimacy. Not physical intimacy as in sex, but physical intimacy as in kissing, cuddling, and general, not necessarily sexual, caressing. The odds of a man being happy in his relationship increased by a factor of three if he snuggled up regularly.
To some degree, notions of male simplicity persist, despite growing evidence to the contrary, due to the very nature of masculinity. A recent series of experiments described in Current Directions in Psychological Science conclude that manhood is both elusive and tenuous. In one experiment, test participants associated the loss of manhood with social, impermanent things, like letting someone down, as opposed to physical things, like growing weak with age. So manhood must be earned by demonstration, and it must be demonstrated repeatedly, until we’ve shielded our vulnerability behind a haze of one-dimensional sexuality.
► Joie de vivre / Gioia di vivere / Lebensfreude: A happy woman is an amazing sight to see. The character trait of being happy is incredibly attractive. People in general are put off by melancholy and angst. A happy person is an attractive person because people want to be around them. This is true for both men and women.
I’m going to skip the obvious (she’s hot) because there’s nothing superficial millions of years of behavioral programming. The realm of women I find physically attractive is fairly spacious; but finding the combination of qualities that truly attract me in one woman, is rare.
I agree with the above comment. It does seem like a lot of people are focused on perfection and discard a relationship that could potentially work with some minor adjustments too easily. Related to this is that it also seems people throw the word “compatibility” around as an excuse for breaking off a relationship. But that word by itself is too vague. Compatibility can be issues like wanting kids or not to weekend hobbies. It’s so easy for people to use compatibility to justify getting out of a relationship because it’s not perfect.
I would also suggest developing an additional “social” personal hobby. Depending on your current interests, perhaps there are some aspects of your hobbies now that could be more social (e.g. interest groups, meet-ups, conventions, etc.). That can be a good way to practice being more social and expand your friendship network. Perhaps you will find love that way. Or perhaps, you will make a good friend who will introduce you to his sister, cousin, girlfriend’s friend, etc. Networking works just as well in love as it does in business. A good referral goes a long way too 🙂
Be fun, in ways that men think are fun. This rule of attraction seems simple enough, but so many girls get it wrong. Don’t be too much of a stereotypical “girl.” Be able to let your hair down and tell jokes, watch sports, play video games or poker with him and try to enjoy the things that he enjoys. He’s not interested in holding your purse while you shop. Nor does he care what happened on last week’s episode of Days of Our Lives. Hang out at sports bars with him. He’ll want you even more.
Nothing: Yes, sometimes none of the above. Sometimes they just like a girl, without rhyme or reason. The world stops for him when he sees thegirl, and they’re not going to trade that for anything in the whole wide world. This is something completely unique to guys only.
Dave Elliot is a Neurostrategist and Coach who is known for getting results with a variety of techniques that enable rapid transformational change. Connect with Dave for support in moving past bad relationship cycles or a toxic bad boy phase.
It occurred to me after I saw the video, men also play hard to get – well at least they say they do (treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen). Want to make sure have got this right. Would this just be a ‘front’, or self protection from men (as mentioned in previous blogs)? Trying to be ‘super cool’? I tend to give up if I get no response. Sorry if I’m being contrary – just want to know if am on the right lines.
So we males articulate our desires with the precision of a leaf-blower. That may not help our Match.com profiles, but it does support the legend of male complexity. Sociologist Rebecca Plante of Ithaca College says it’s a massive oversimplification to think that a man’s sexual desire is “as plain as the erection in his pants.” Plante has been leading part of a national, multi-campus, quantitative, and qualitative study of some 14,000 college students, organized by sociologist Paula England at Stanford, on the culture of hooking up. What Plante has found so far defies all simple expectations: While some guys do view sex and desire as one and the same, many others—even those in the early stages of a casual engagement—want someone they know and trust on a deeper level.
And of course, as everyone knows, like attracts like. As Margaret Paul, Ph.D said: “People attract each other at their common level of woundedness or their common level of health.” It’s easier and gets better long-term results to fix the core problem than to practice acting.
But many women have a difficult time harnessing the power of what relationship expert, Kara Oh, refers to in her highly recommended guide, Men Made Easy, as feminine grace. And even if you do realize how to use your own femininity to attract men, not understanding what men want and how they think will leave you utterly confused and feeling hopeless that you’ll never find “the one”.
Be active, social, and attend events that you enjoy. Just because you’re a gay man, doesn’t mean that you need to go to exclusively gay events or establishments to meet a mate. Remember to keep a positive frame of mind, and get out and be social in the world. Take a community class or join a gym if you are having trouble interacting with other people. Take opportunities to attend social events with groups of friends and be kind and welcoming to people that you meet. A genuine and positive attitude will naturally attract other men to you. When you find someone you’re attracted to, put in additional effort to spend more time with them.
Is she, or does she look, bossy? – I once went on a dinner date with a zealous vegetarian called Judith. When I ordered a fillet steak she told the waiter to come back in a few minutes. ”Do you mind having something without meat?” she asked me. ”I beg your pardon?” ”It’s just – I couldn’t stand watching you eat a steak.” ”Er, right – so what should I have then?” ”How about spinach lasagne?” A short while later the waiter returned and I chivalrously changed my order. To a mixed grill. Judith and I spent the next hour in near silence before going our separate ways.