Just wondering…should women be like this from the get-go? What if the guy still has to prove himself – should we still be accepting, respectful etc? What if the guy we’re seeing doesn’t show us that he’s worth our time – shouldn’t we just be clear with where he went wrong (bullet points, sock puppets, whatever men understand lol), and move on if he’s unable to provide what we need?
The solution – stop the chase. Realize that just because something is hard to get, doesn’t mean it is worth the effort. No one is worth running after. It is better to find someone who will meet you in the middle.
Another offensive stereotype: “To a typical feminist, behaving in a demure or coy manner is a sign of weakness. And they can’t accept that a guy finds a cute *and dare, we say it… submissive* girl more attractive than a girl who likes to be a non-girlie girl.”
It is still possible to make eye contact with women, without male friends. It is also possible to take up space, act in a relaxed manner, and have fun – even if you are alone. All of those things will still attract female attention.
In other words, saying you value physical attractiveness doesn’t make you more likely to feel a spark with those you consider physically attractive, the researchers report in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. “When men say they care about physical attractiveness more than women, what that should mean is that attractiveness buys you more romantic desirability if you’re a woman than if you’re a man,” says Eastwick, now at Texas A&M University. “Our study showed that in fact that wasn’t the case.”
What women think men want from them often causes women to have resentment and anger toward men, and feel hopeless about ever developing a wonderful, warm, romantic partnership. What men think women want from them often causes them much of the same feelings and frustration. The sad part is that it does not have to be this way, if only we would realize that both men and women are human beings first and pretty much want the same thing. But, you don’t have to take my word for this. I asked a number of men and women who are actively involved in personal growth and development what they want from a partner in order to build a great relationship. You will find their answers unexpected.
If we are complex—still admittedly if—we don’t like to show it. Sometimes our emotional side is so hidden researchers can’t find it. A notable mid-’90s study by evolutionary psychologists found that when you ask people what type of infidelity will upset them, men say a sexual tryst more than women, and women an emotional affair more than men. That’s Mars and Venus in galactic alignment.
Northwestern University psychologists Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel recently arranged a speed-dating event for 163 university guys and gals and had them indicate beforehand what they wanted in a mate: attractiveness, earning potential, or personality qualities. The men—no surprise—overwhelmingly said they wanted looks. But when they got to the table something changed. Eastwick and Finkel discovered that pre-event ideals failed to predict a person’s true romantic interests.
You don’t have to pretend to be dumb or weak, nor do you have to behave like the weaker sex just to attract a man. All you need to do is revel in your femininity and display your cuteness, and give the man you like a chance to bask in his manliness and show off his protectiveness!
Get over emotional baggage from previous relationships. Carrying baggage over from previous relationships can harm your current one. Throw out old mementos, pictures, and items of your ex to help you get over them. Don’t make assumptions about all men because of your previous experiences and don’t think that you have an extraordinary intuition, especially when that intuition manifests negatively most of the time.
Learn how to flirt by paying attention to how you look and portray yourself. Flirting begins with personal appearance and great self esteem. Learn also to manipulate body parts that will grab his attention and keep him interested in you
And just a word of advice, you bitching or moaning here won’t change a way a guy thinks. And you commenters can’t change a guy’s view just by claiming guys should like unfeminine girls instead of feminine girl!
You need to keep this in mind though, love and attraction are two completely different things. A guy may find you extremely attractive, yet he may not end up falling in love with you for his own reasons. [Read: 20 reasons why a guy may never like you back]
Other individuals rely on luck, fate, or destiny. Because they believe the process is more-or-less out of their hands, they may not put much work into it. They might not look hard. They might not build themselves up to be better people and more valuable partners. Instead, they may believe someone will simply be their “soul mate” and “love them exactly as they are”.
Tip #1: Show them pearly whites. Adam’s first tip is a simple and easy one–smile at the guy you’re hoping will approach you. He say, “Men are total wusses when it comes to approaching women. If they don’t feel confident that you want them to come over, then they’ll almost never make the move.” Evidently, male clients are always asking how to be sure that a woman actually wants them to come over, and Adam advises that a smile gives them “a solid 80% chance” since “there is no 100% certainty when it comes to dating”. If you take the tiny little initiative to smile his way, it will encourage him to make a move.
Not really knowing oneself is most of the time the common mistake of women. we tend to be someone we’re really not because we want to attract some guy. in the end, we don’t get what we want because we were too busy being somebody else in the process.
Jack – My my, Kissinger and Latin in a short blurb about how women attract you? I’m in awe. Latin is badass, and I’m unashamed of the fact that I think that Kissinger is a stud. Eloquent and swoon-worthy, as always (you, not Kissinger… OK, well maybe both of you…). How do you not have droves of unconscious women at your feet wherever you walk?
Frankly, women are still unsure what attracts men to them. Hot bodies and gorgeous faces are in, but getting the right man is still a difficult task at hand. But if the above thesis is right, then there isn’t much left to do other than be youself!!! 🙂
So there you have it – the 8 things every guy wants in a woman. If you’ve got any questions, or you disagree with anything I’ve written, go ahead and drop me a line in the comments! I love to talk about this stuff.
Men want women who are emotionally mature. Maturity does not mean lack of emotions. It does mean the ability to handle emotions responsibly. To attract a great man and build a long-term relationship, learn to take responsibility for your emotional experience and expression.
“Write down all the traits of the type of person you have liked, are attracted to or have dated, and whittle it down to 10 qualities,” says Whitney Casey, author of The Man Plan. When picking guys in the new year, you can keep three of those 10 qualities—for the other seven, go for different types of traits. “Any time you’re on a date and you notice that there are more than three common traits from your list, you don’t give it another date. Stop right there.”
Bottom line, don’t fight biology. All my best girlfriends were very shy and feminine. I’ve tried to get shit going with feminist career girls, I don’t really fall in love with them though. I’d like to love a strong woman, and have a son run for president, but meh…
Mat is dedicated to increasing Love in the world one heart at a time. Mat’s appeared on dozens of national media venues including: The Today Show, CNN Headline News, The Style Network, Fox News, CNN Showbiz Tonight, ABC Family, Oprah and Friends XM, the Hallmark Channel, and many more.
Be active, social, and attend events that you enjoy. Just because you’re a gay man, doesn’t mean that you need to go to exclusively gay events or establishments to meet a mate. Remember to keep a positive frame of mind, and get out and be social in the world. Take a community class or join a gym if you are having trouble interacting with other people. Take opportunities to attend social events with groups of friends and be kind and welcoming to people that you meet. A genuine and positive attitude will naturally attract other men to you. When you find someone you’re attracted to, put in additional effort to spend more time with them.
Being Strong: We have heard enough women scream that they are strong, independent and yet depend on us for every little thing. Don’t be a big baby, try being a Lady. If you can take care of yourself, it is a Big plus. Strong women Command respect, and with respect you attract the right kind of men.
A book which is founded on ideas about good communication & keeping integrity is one whose advice I feel I can trust & recommend. It has a “win-win” approach that doesn’t degrade men or women – how to get what you desire/need while giving someone else what they desire/need too. Building mutually satisfying relationships is the goal, not manipulating your dream man into marrying you (blech – what an idea!).
Love yourself. Before you attract a man, you need to love yourself and want the best for yourself. This may seem like common sense, but it’s an important aspect that many people forget before dating. If you can’t see your self-worth, then others will have a hard time seeing it as well.
So let’s say your guy is having a hard time and needs some time alone, but you really want him to be open and honest with you and want him to share his feelings. Respecting him entails putting what’s best for him above what you want. In this case, it would be giving him the space to work through his issues even though you would prefer that he talk to you about it, because that’s what’s going to be most beneficial for him.
Being clean is obviously important and goes without saying in terms of smelling good; drenching yourself in perfume is not. One thing most men agree upon is that women’s hair normally smells amazing from all the shampoo products and stuff. The point is less is more.
I find the most interesting thing is that a lot of individuals expect perfection out of their mate and are ready to discard those that are not. The reality is no one is perfect and partners need to accept their differences and work with that in a positive way.
Have a life. Desperate, dramatic, and clingy relationships are often rooted in a feeling of need and desperation for a man to fill your life. Even if you have low self-esteem, work over time to build it. Pursue your goals and be focused, explore your passions, have an interesting life, do things that take you outside your boundaries. Don’t put up a tough exterior to get over shyness; gradually learn to build trust with a network of people, so that your boyfriend isn’t the only person you open up to and share your life with. Also remember to trust yourself first. If you can’t trust yourself, you are likely to not trust your man.
Response: I don’t think that a lot of people don’t like appreciation, although, to much appreciation can make someone who feels selfless kinda guilty. All the other points made in the section are very true! A man (if he isn’t a sex-driven neanderthal who doesn’t have the mental capacity to take into account that his partner matters) will be satisfied in benefiting his partner, I mean, come on, a relationship is meant for the individuals in it to benefit each other. When a woman obnoxiously orders their partner to the point of which the stress applied surpasses what you can imagine to be a terrible minimum wage job in which not even a trace of vigor is left in you at the end of your shift, then most men are going to get pretty irritated, and vice versa. This doesn’t mean you can’t ask your partner to do too many things for you obviously, just make sure that he feels like he is benefiting you! Oh what, you thought I was going to say that you should make sure he gets something in return? Haha, funny, but contrary to what you may assume, the solution is not always that. Relationships that rely on unconditional love are the ones that do not wilt away. This means that both individuals should be satisfied by each other’s satisfaction alone.
“Matthew’s methods are working… Those who would previously never dream of going up to a man are hunting them down in double figures. Phone numbers are collected like the spoils of victory… [We become] an army of women from whose charms no man is safe.” (Emma Messenger, The Daily Mail)
While a girl’s physical appearance is the biggest sign of femininity, at times, it helps if you can display more femininity in your behavior. No, I’m not saying pink frills and scented paper. But there are always other ways to appear cuter and get a guy to take a second and third look at you. [Read: 10 ways to get a guy to notice you and fall for you without even talking to him]
10. Your Own Home. Throwing parties is one of the best ways to get yourself into the dating scene. Even if you don’t meet an eligible bachelor at your own shindig, becoming the hostess with the mostest will naturally get you reciprocally invited to barbecues, wine-tastings, poetry readings, etc. And if a friend does bring along a handsome stranger to your next house party, you have ample reasons to chat him up. After all, he’ll need you to take his coat, fetch him a drink, and tell you where he’s been all your life.
Great article! I totally agree. The cuteness of a woman can tame a man’s heart and lust to find other women out there, but of course beeing sexy too. To those women that disagree with this article, stop beeing so dominant. Men are physically and etc. stronger than us women, they dont need a tougher spouse to live with, let them be the men and u be the woman a.k.a queen/princess. Are how is that? Politeness, funny, shyness, cuteness, sexyness. If u want to be the stronger spouse in the relationship, they will surely not stay long with u since it is in their nature that they are the ones who should feel masculine and strong and have responsibilities to protect and love his gf/wife. They want to feel that they are wanted, so let them lead and u as woman relax and enjoy. (Not talking bout the cooking and cleanin though lol)
Tip #5: The 5 Minute Rule. Adam has a simple rule that his female clients abide by: “Give ANYONE five minutes of your time.” This includes, he says, a cute guy, a random girl at bar, your coworker, the guy behind the register. Why? Because according to Adam, “You never know, maybe he’s also a rock star in disguise, maybe she has a brother who’s recently single, maybe your coworker’s roommate is a professor at Harvard. And if you don’t have five minutes to spare, then you’re spending your time in the wrong places.” Plus, you know, being nice to people and making new friends is a pretty good idea.
A man has two primary gifts he can offer a woman: his ability to protect and provide. So if he is willing to risk his life to protect yours and invest his time, talent and treasure in order provide for you, all he really wants is a little gratitude in return.
I have met many men who are looking for that brilliant, kind, accomplished size 4 when they are fat, unemployed (or underemployed),uneducated misogynists. In my dating profiles I have had to ask men not to contact me if they were deficient in employment, physical attributes, or wealth. Who are the women who like that sort of male?
Instead of sticking to all your usual haunts, go out of your way to try a new bar, new café or new club. Been there, done that? Bookmark sites like Metromix and Thrillist for local event listings, and get googling to find hyper-local blogs with more opportunities you’d never thought of to meet people.
Hi Sam…So glad you liked the article. Flipping the hair, in conjunction with smiling and eye contact may indicate mild flirting. But hair flipping alone does not indicate interest. Some women are overly obsessed with appearance, and as such, may have developed the hair flipping thing as a nervous habit. Long story short, it depends upon the rest of her body language.
► Physical attractiveness: Men like beautiful and sexy women. However, beauty and sexiness depend upon the way a woman carries herself. Elegance plays a huge role in enhancing everything about a woman. Of course, body type, fragrance, dress etc come into play.
Wanting what we cannot have is a common mental quirk that we all possess. Within the social influence research, this is called “Scarcity” (Cialdini, 2009). Essentially, we are all hard-wired to believe things that are difficult to obtain, or rare, are also valuable and desirable. However, this is not always the case. Sometimes the rare and expensive is truly valuable…other times it is just some junk a person put a high price tag on!
There’s little doubt that men and women think differently and see the world from two entirely different perspectives. Men expect to be influenced by women when they are in a relationship and they even WANT to be influenced by you, but there’s a right way and a wrong way to go about trying to influence a man if you want to become irresistible to him.
Practice the Golden Rule. If you want him to do something, you should be equally willing to do it yourself. You want him to ask you out or take you out or do whatever else for you? You should be equally willing, and don’t wait for or expect him to do it first. Good men respect a person who applies the same rules to themself that they would apply to a man.
I have seen women wearing those huge fake eyelashes for example and then a ton of fake tanner on and so much makeup it was obvious from a mile away… and I suppose some men do find this hot but most would prefer a little bit less.
Be yourself. If you like who you are, then stay that way. Don’t change for other people. The girl who is really worth your while will love you for who you are, what you’ve accomplished in your life, and nothing else.
I suggest that you should be pickier, less accepting and more committed to the “bad attitude” that will make you seek people who are extraordinary in the same way you are. Be courteous to men who don’t appeal to you, but for God’s sake, don’t waste your evenings—let alone your nights—with them. “Oh,” conventional rule-keepers might exclaim, “you’ll have to spend some nights alone!” Yes, indeed. Your pool of candidates is much smaller at the high-quality end of the bell curve, your chances of having no date on Saturday much larger if you refuse to go out with men who bore or repulse you. But if memory serves, the boredom and/or repulsion of bad dating is much worse than spending a few hours on your own.
Maybe you feel like you don’t know why men are deeply attracted to some women and not to others. It could feel like you’re flying blind, and you don’t know how to get the guy you want interested in you.
The word “heartbreak” is bandied about so much we often forget that, along with depression and loss of appetite, physical heart pain is an actual side effect of high-stress events like the loss of loved ones. The grief from a breakup or death can be so consuming that it’s actually heart wrenching and can have serious consequences for our physical health, too.
This is difficult though… So, you can always give your male friend my website too. There are many tips in my archives and many more to come, which can help him make you feel passion for him. Therefore, you can feel passion for the more local choice and win all the way around.
We have grown so accustomed to meeting others’ standards that we may not know what we want in a relationship. But in learning to love ourselves, we look for partners who will love us in return, and write off those who will bring negativity and judgment into our lives.