I’m excited to announce my very first guest blog post! I asked a few of my favorite male bloggers to list three things that attract them to a woman, along with three things that “repel” them. That is, if they were to approach a woman (at a bar, coffeeshop, whatever), what attracts them in the first place, and what turns them off?
When you realize that simple fact, you’ll understand why he’ll feel reluctant to just give it away, but don’t worry. The good news is he will trade his freedom for something better, so just be better and don’t try to force him into a decision too soon.
From landing a first date to establishing emotional intimacy, playful flirtation to red-hot bedroom tips, Matthew’s insightfulness, irreverence, and warmth makes Get the Guy: Learn Secrets of the Male Mind to Find the Man You Want and the Love You Deserve a one-of-a-kind relationship guide and the handbook for every woman who wants to get the guy she’s been waiting for.
For example, I’ve known women who constantly point their forks at the person they’re sitting across from while dining. I assume they do this automatically, out of habit. What I do know is that this pointing the fork thing is really distracting, not to mention “tacky.” No one wants a fork pointed right at their face. It’s annoying. This may seem like a nitpicky, tiny thing, but it really does matters how you eat, how you talk, and even if you point.
I completely agree with this article, 100 percent! I saw this on a page that was linked in a forum where a girl was bitching and moaning about how screwed up men are. But hey, don’t you get it? This is what men want. And this is what men find irresistible! Men want to be like men, and there’s nothing wrong with women displaying their femininity.
Women are the prime target of marketers, social media and politicians. They had managed to manipulate women’s thoughts bombarding them with the “how to” messages: how to dress to impress, how to walk and talk, how to acquire the ideal body shape, even how to express themselves.
The solution – figuring out what is desired and where to get it. Create a rough “job description” for a good partner. Figure out where that type of person can be found. Look for those characteristics and test people on them. Continue to enjoy dating – but don’t forget the end goal either!
Whether it’s going out with friends and having a good time or spending time with family and living life in a happy, fun way. Experience life in the moment and don’t dwell on trivial things that don’t matter.
Have you ever found yourself coming home from a tough day at work, only to find your husband sitting on the couch, watching TV, with nary a scrap of food in sight (let alone a scented bath drawn for you)? And instead of getting angry, have you then found yourself cooking dinner, folding a few loads of laundry, and picking up your kids’ toys—all while he finishes up his Monday Night Football viewing session?
None of this is earth-shattering, mind-blowing secrets that will give you some epiphany on love & life. Instead, it reads like common sense, the kind many of us missed the memo on, so that it’s not so “common” after all.
The solution – honest self-appraisal. It is important for people to know the worth of their contributions in a relationship, as well as the worth of what they desire in return. The two should be roughly equal. This does not have to be an exact tit-for-tat exchange. Nevertheless, the scales should be somewhat balanced to avoid hard feelings and relationship break-down. Relationships that are too one-sided should be avoided. Asking for far more than one is (really) worth should be avoided too.
How do I “They go out and meet people.” ? I can set aside an evening or 2 or a weekend afternoon. What strategies do you suggest for meeting women? I’ve been reading you for about a year now. I am totally sold on your whats and whys, and definitely want to hear more on your hows.
Imperfections: Have to stress the point again, because we are so much obsessed with the cover girls that we forget being organic is being sexy. Almost every guy agrees too much makeup is a turn-off. They want to see some natural beauty in you. The mole is absolutely okay, so is the buck teeth. They tend to associate you with your marks and scars, and it makes you uniquely attractive to them and distinguish you from rest of the crowd.
I agree with the above comment. It does seem like a lot of people are focused on perfection and discard a relationship that could potentially work with some minor adjustments too easily. Related to this is that it also seems people throw the word “compatibility” around as an excuse for breaking off a relationship. But that word by itself is too vague. Compatibility can be issues like wanting kids or not to weekend hobbies. It’s so easy for people to use compatibility to justify getting out of a relationship because it’s not perfect.
One single blog post can’t give you all the answers, but read to the end and you’ll be well on your way to knowing how to make a guy want you and how to get him to fall in love with you so he never wants to leave. By the end, you’ll have a better appreciation for and understanding of why a man does what he does and how you can use this knowledge to influence him to your advantage.
Kindness: Men are more attracted to people who are good to them. Most men have to fight or work for everything they get. Beauty is subjective. Show up one day and hand him a plate of cookies, and you’ll suddenly be a lot prettier to that guy. He will also be thinking about those cookies for years. It’s not a common thing.
I received a lot of comments and feedback about two articles that I published last year: “Why Women Can’t Find a Good Man” and “Why Are Men Frustrated With Dating?”. Most of the commentary, beyond venting of frustrations on both sides, was asking for strategies to find a “good” partner. I have partially answered that question in my many articles (see the archives).
She has a glow. Hard to describe this, but it’s something you can just feel when you see it. You can tell that she’s connected to her heart and is okay with sharing her love with the world. If a guy approached her and she wasn’t interested, she would be honest, yet have respect and compassion for his courage to come up talk to her.
The longer a man stays long-term, the more in touch with his emotional side he may get. The Kinsey Institute recently conducted an international survey of more than 1,000 middle-age couples who had, on average, been together 25 years. The researchers measured each partner’s relationship and sexual satisfaction on a number of variables. Some of the findings were obvious—sexual functioning, for instance, was strongly related to male sexual satisfaction—but others were highly unexpected.
Take care of your appearance. A woman who takes care of herself will attract men easier than one who doesn’t. Shower with nice-smelling bath products. Use a feminine scented deodorant. Brush your teeth well and always keep mints and gum on hand. If you talk to a guy and your breath is less than fresh, he’s not going to notice anything else about you. Keep your hair neat and clean and take pride in your looks. Use a perfume that smells sweet and sensual.
I agree with Django. All the women who attacked the OP with all your hate and bile are just… well… reluctant to accept the truth. The truth is, a truly feminine woman makes you hateful dykes feel threatened. It makes you “women” feel insecure because deep down even you know no man will ever fall for you and will obviously choose the sweeter more feminine girl.
Many people, however, go into dating without any clear logic or goals. They lead with their feelings only and then wonder why they don’t get anywhere! Sure, there is something to be said for “enjoying the journey”. However, if a person desires to get somewhere specific (e.g. marriage, kids, etc.), then it is very handy to have a map too! Without one, they tend to drive in circles and, not surprisingly, find themselves with the same partners time after time.
The truth is, you DON’T need a man in your life to be happy. As a strong, independent, confident woman you can stand on your own two feet and get through life just fine. But you shouldn’t let a man know that if you want to keep a guy interested.
Don’t be afraid to make a move. Let’s be real: a good man doesn’t desperately need any person; he would like to meet a good person. If he’s a good man, he will appreciate the compliment to his attractiveness, at the very least. But remember that compliments are usually given to acquaintances – people who are intimate usually have a more honest connection, with playful teasing and banter. Think of good relationships between brothers and sisters, parents and children, especially couples – they’re always joking, laughing, teasing, flirting in a positive way. A woman who is always complimenting may simply be boring and look desperate. Even if you are old-fashioned and never want to be the woman who asks a man for a date, you can still go out of your way to talk to him, and arrange to be with him. Don’t overdo this, however; unless he is already attracted to you before the encounter, the more obvious it is that you’ve put a ton of time into the encounter without his direct encouragement, the more desperate and less attractive you look. Work on building attraction first.
As their social networks changed, so did male preferences. Maybe men don’t lock their eyes onto 36-24-36 like some broken slot machine after all, but instead possess a “flexible behavioral repertoire” that adapts sexual preferences to changing environments, the researchers conclude in Evolution and Human Behavior. A subsequent study corroborated the shortcomings of a global thin ideal, as well as the role of Western media in propagating it.
Well I think a lot of single mamas will tell you it’s not easy to date and take care of a young child, so kudos to you! Just so you know, there are a lot of guys out there who will be immature or not ready or willing to take on a woman with a kid. But then, there are those wonderful men who can handle it. These are the men to meet—don’t be afraid to let your dates know you have a child and being a mother (and finding a good father figure) is important to you. I married a man with kids and don’t have any myself, so it was a big transition. But well worth it. Instead of hitting the bars, try meeting guys through friends, church groups, or activities you enjoy. Good luck!
Being well-rounded also includes being a global citizen who invests in learning about different cultures and countries. Nothing expands your mind faster than traveling the world to discover the best other cultures have to offer.
I’m a guy and I just don’t get a few girls girls who’ve commented here! Every time a guy says something truthful (in this case, the author), and it makes you feel insecure, you just jump down his throat and try to force him to say he’s wrong! 🙂
Many girls are against the idea of being feminine or behaving in a cute manner. To a typical feminist, behaving in a demure or coy manner is a sign of weakness. And they can’t accept that a guy finds a cute *and dare, we say it… submissive* girl more attractive than a girl who likes to be a non-girlie girl.
If you want to get a guy, then you need to give him a clear invitation. I know he seems big, burly, and scary. But, he is actually looking to you for a “green light” to come over and say hello. Some eye contact and a smile will do that. So, if you want him to approach, lock eyes and give him a grin.
I’m in an interesting situation: I have a boyfriend who lives across state lines. Long distance relationships are hard and I often wonder if it’s worth it. My BF is great, but for various reasons, the situation isn’t going to resolve itself very soon.
Start with innocent touches and be very nonchalant and natural when you do it. For example, if you are sitting next to each other, you could kind of inch a tiny bit closer to him and have your leg against his leg and don’t say a word about it, just enjoy the moment. Or you could casually touch his thigh, as if it’s the most normal thing in the world.
It is not easy for people to find a good man, and to be honest it is not easy for a man to find a good person. This is written from a man’s perspective to help frustrated people that are sincerely looking for a good man but keep finding losers.
I appreciate that this book is about subtle nuances too. Often we don’t know what we do wrong because it’s not anything big but a subtle signal, and we don’t know why our positive signals are ignored & that’s because they are TOO subtle. This advice rang true because I’ve noted men in general communicate more with action & are generally MORE sensitive than women, meaning they need LOUDER positive signals & SOFTER negative ones. The author refers to this as the “fragile male ego” which is really SENSITIVITY.
The trick to attracting men is to make sure you value all the other areas of your life (for example your job, your family, your friends, your hobbies, etc) just as highly as you value having a man in your life.
Similarity to his mom: Trust me, if there is Megan Fox and if there is a girl who is similar to his mom, he would rather give up the former. Maybe because right from the childhood they saw their moms as the epitome of a perfect woman, that they desire women similar to them.
I suggest that you should be pickier, less accepting and more committed to the “bad attitude” that will make you seek people who are extraordinary in the same way you are. Be courteous to men who don’t appeal to you, but for God’s sake, don’t waste your evenings—let alone your nights—with them. “Oh,” conventional rule-keepers might exclaim, “you’ll have to spend some nights alone!” Yes, indeed. Your pool of candidates is much smaller at the high-quality end of the bell curve, your chances of having no date on Saturday much larger if you refuse to go out with men who bore or repulse you. But if memory serves, the boredom and/or repulsion of bad dating is much worse than spending a few hours on your own.
Women need not move to Mpolweni to find such flexibility in action. Even among developed societies, shape preferences vary sharply. In countries like Britain or Denmark, where women have achieved social and economic independence, a low waist-to-hip ratio is less important to men than it is in places where women rely more heavily on men for resource acquisition, such as Greece or Portugal, Swami and other researchers find. The more resources a woman can gather on her own, the less men care whether or not her figure conforms to the supposed ideal.
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Be feminine. Keep in mind that if a man wanted to be with a man, he would be. So be girly, be feminine, be a woman. What does that mean? Smell good, cook him a meal once in a while, mother him when he needs it — find the cavewoman in you.
I think I may just be a little clingy to my boyfriend lately. My bf and I have bn together for 2years now. Being in a long-distance relationship we have naturally always wanted 2 feel like we are together all the time, we spend most, if not all, of our free time chatting online or watchng same movies at the same time etc.
A man likes beauty he can feel not see. A beautiful woman who is insecure about her looks is a big turn off for any man. If a woman is confident about the way she looks, she will stay stunning in her man’s eyes no matter how much she ages.
Varely-you were honest and upfront, and unfortunately not many guys can handle it. I think dating is hit or miss. Even if you have chemistry with a guy it doesn’t mean anything will come of the relationship. He might not be interested. It’s all about taking chances, and you did, so that’s a good thing. And since you’re not looking for anything serious (or even if you were) – I’d tell you the same thing – on to the next, and forget that guy! XO
6. Science-Fiction Conventions. You’ll find a slightly geeky crowd here, but that’s OK. Guys who weren’t popular in high school make excellent boyfriends. After the braces come off and the acne clears up, you’re left with a smart, nice-looking man who on some level will always feel extremely grateful to have a girlfriend. Plus, they’re handy when your computer crashes. So, read a couple of good science-fiction books — or just rent The Lord of the Rings. Then ask a late-bloomer about his favorite Phillip K. Dick novel, and he’ll take it from there.
Frankly, women are still unsure what attracts men to them. Hot bodies and gorgeous faces are in, but getting the right man is still a difficult task at hand. But if the above thesis is right, then there isn’t much left to do other than be youself!!! 🙂