Men are starved for appreciation. No man is going to come right out and say it, so you’re really going to have to take my word for it. In relationships, women mostly want to feel loved and understood. What men want most is to be appreciated and respected. Rather than focusing on what your man isn’t doing, try to hone in on the good things he is doing (there have to be some).
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6. Science-Fiction Conventions. You’ll find a slightly geeky crowd here, but that’s OK. Guys who weren’t popular in high school make excellent boyfriends. After the braces come off and the acne clears up, you’re left with a smart, nice-looking man who on some level will always feel extremely grateful to have a girlfriend. Plus, they’re handy when your computer crashes. So, read a couple of good science-fiction books — or just rent The Lord of the Rings. Then ask a late-bloomer about his favorite Phillip K. Dick novel, and he’ll take it from there.
You may already be aware of a number of these, but it doesn’t hurt to be reminded of them! Firstly, when you’re out with your friends do not laugh excessively at every joke men make, dance too sexily or get too drunk!
I’m just going to go out on a limb here and guess that you don’t have a clue what “most women” would like, because you only get as close as a magazine cover. At least your personality will save you from having to buy condoms.
You need to keep this in mind though, love and attraction are two completely different things. A guy may find you extremely attractive, yet he may not end up falling in love with you for his own reasons. [Read: 20 reasons why a guy may never like you back]
Many people, however, go into dating without any clear logic or goals. They lead with their feelings only and then wonder why they don’t get anywhere! Sure, there is something to be said for “enjoying the journey”. However, if a person desires to get somewhere specific (e.g. marriage, kids, etc.), then it is very handy to have a map too! Without one, they tend to drive in circles and, not surprisingly, find themselves with the same partners time after time.
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Men want to feel manly and significant. They want to provide for you, it’s just their nature to be that way. However, a man will only want to give to a woman who can happily receive what he has to offer, not one who is going to make unnecessary demands in order to feel good about herself and secure in the relationship. A woman who tries to get this assurance from the outside will always be unsatisfied and there is nothing more unappealing to a man than an unhappy woman.
Change something—anything! Wear glasses? Try contacts. Addicted to your flatiron? Go au naturel. Never worn orange? Hello, tangerine dress! Whatever you do—no matter how big or small—should make you feel renewed and different and boost your confidence.
Why would anybody even mention this?!…that people shouldn’t look for perfection. This is so obvious and I doubt anyone does it , at least not as often that it should be constantly put in the first place as the main reason for dating disasters. It’s a well rehearsed cliche. I feel it’s always used by people who are unable to say anything useful.
I also don’t follow what you mean by ‘seeking a partner of equal value’. The fact that most women value men who are violent, abusive, and dysfunctional thugs—or weak, effeminate metrosexual types—illustrates how little most of them value masculinity at all.
A few years ago, Swami and an international group of psychologists led by Martin Tovée of Newcastle University surveyed the female body preferences of men (and women) in the United Kingdom and among the Zulu of South Africa. Participants flipped through a photo booklet of real but blurry-faced women wearing tight gray leotards and rated each one. The Britons gave high marks to slender curves, while the Zulu enjoyed heavier bodies. Then Zulu migrants living in Britain had their turn with the booklets—and chose bodies right in between.
In truth, such a belief in destiny and a perfect soul mate partner often leads people to be overly picky, reject good partners, and end up unlucky in love (Knee, 1998; Knee, Vietor, & Neighbors, 2004). They can also be passive in their search for love, simply taking whoever comes into their lives and makes them feel attraction. In the end, they can have little control over the love in their lives, may make a lot of bad choices from being swept away by emotion, and then get repeatedly disappointed when their lovers are not the perfect soul mate after all.
Great advice. For me the problem is posture. I have poor posture because I have been sick most of the winter and lost a lot of muscle. I am going to have to figure out which exercises will fix my posture!
Closed Minded women bother me. They know what they know and really couldn’t care a spit about a differing opinion. I was on a date one time with this gal who was Persian, we were having a great time. Then I told her about a friend of mine who is Iranian and as soon as I said what region she was from; culturally divisive spew erupted from this girl’s mouth. I couldn’t believe it! No common ground could be reached, she was beside herself just denigrating my friend’s regional culture… I couldn’t get over it, our date ended shortly there after. Closed Mindedness and self imposed ignorance are two bad tastes that were never made to go together.
There’s a man locally who I’ve known for awhile (including times that we’ve been lovers), who really loves me, treats me well, and is also not pressuring me to be with him, though he’s made it clear that he’s interested.
If it’s up to a man to protect and provide for his woman and family, what is it that he wants and needs from her in return? Simply put, a woman’s beauty and grace attracts a man and is often demonstrated in her innate ability as a nurturer or caretaker.
Be approachable to them — don’t make them think you like them. Take it easy and flirt a little. Or even maybe ask if he’s interested in boys. If he says no, move on. If he says yes, maybe even ask him on a date or kiss him.
Am most grateful for the advice you have been giving. But pls most at times am not able to watch the videos you have been sending,I would love lt ,if possible it should also be written so that we that we can’t watch we can read. Please do that for me.
Women who are willing to hide or detach from their real selves in order to bag a man often seem to believe that the right guy will give them a sense of identity and self-confidence. This is backward. Looking for love before developing a strong sense of self is like trying to find the mate of a shoe you’ve never seen.
It does take time to find a partner. It also takes time to date them. So, if you are serious about finding someone, you should start building a bit of “dating time” into your schedule. When you are single, that time can be used to go to singles events, or more social hobbies, and meet new people. When you find someone to date, you can use that time to go out with them. Therefore, a big part of having a plan is “planning” the time out of your schedule for a love life.
Wonderful post! I think if I could have applied this wisdom from a younger age I would not have all the relationship problems I’ve been experiencing again and again. Thanks for helping me feel there is definitely a way to not feel desperate, now I have hope. Jean X
Plz sombody hlp. I want to do sex wid my bf but he isnt interested as he has so many tension in his mind,and he always telling me dat we wil do sex but not befoe our marriage but i need him now.. He doznt undrstand my feelings..plz give sum suggestion so dat i can attracted him towards me plz 🙁
Again, dating is a process. Yes…it is also emotional. But, beyond the feelings, you are also “picking” a compatible person, who will work with you as a partner, for mutual satisfaction. Therefore, dating does become something of a job interview…
The kindle version is only $9, and if this book was sent to the top of the charts on Amazon or on various best selling booklists it would send a massive wake-up call to the culture about men and their opinions and feelings in the dating game rather than Kay Hymowitz’s bullshit “Manning Up” or Hanna Rosin’s even worse “The End of Men.”
Before you start rolling your eyes and saying, “Cheesy!” just listen to what Michelle, 27, of San Diego, says: “You’re much less likely to settle for someone who isn’t amazing if you know how to have fun without a guy. The very day I told my friend I was not interested in relationships and ‘I just want to have fun with my friends’ was the day I met my boyfriend.”
Need your advice on a guy I meet about 3 weeks ago and he is pulling away. We had a rocky start when we met and I had 2 great dates but then I did not text him for 2 days as I did not want to chase him and seem needy. Long story short I texted him and he flipped. He said I did not make him feel wanted and I was saying words were not backed up by actions. So after much arguing I apologized to him and showed up with a card at his house as a surprise to back up my words with action. Again he flipped and said I was way too much to deal with. So damned if you do damned if you don’t. I texted him a day after that but he did not acknowledge my feelings at all so I told him I was hurt. He flipped out again and said I had no idea what was going on his life. Anyways another argument that ended in him apologizing. This was on Friday night and the weekend went by and never asked me out nor have I heard from him in 3 days since the argument. Should I just leave this and move on??? or should I wait it out? Should send him a text? I just feel like he is going to what he wants anyways no matter what I do its wrong?? HELP me Eric.
The first steps to love can get better with practice. Knowing when to give the right glance, smile, or swagger helps too. Try out the tips above. You may just get the attention of that person you are looking for…
I agree with the author. As a girl I would watch the guys at my highschool and I would notice that the “girly-girls” or the more feminine ones always got the hot-jock type guys. I was always on the more non-feminine side until one of my friends (a guy) mentioned that guys liked “cute” girls. It made them feel more manly. I tried acting more girly and guess what, I got a boyfriend.
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When you realize that simple fact, you’ll understand why he’ll feel reluctant to just give it away, but don’t worry. The good news is he will trade his freedom for something better, so just be better and don’t try to force him into a decision too soon.
Men and women are designed to be complements, not “equals”. In other words, men are designed to excel in certain areas of a relationship (administration, logical thinking, etc.), and women are also designed to excel in different areas of a relationship (nurturing, emotions, etc.). The abilities are equal, but they are DIFFERENT AND COMPLEMENTARY abilities.
[…] For the male perspective on turn-ons and turn-offs, written by three of my favorite male dating bloggers (Jackie Summers, The Urban Dater, Jeffrey Platts and Fishy) see this collaborative post by Kelly Seal. […]
Personality and a sense of humor are pretty huge to me and, I imagine, every Tom, Dick and Harriet out there. If a girl can make me laugh that’s really a great start. I also am drawn to women that have a personality that commands attention; you know she’s in a room, hard to ignore, the personality is warm and welcoming. She gets attention without really trying, to me, that’s incredibly sexy.
Every time you have sex with this guy, you are falling in more deeply in love with him, giving yourself false hope. The fact is, you are second-best to him, a backup plan. When he feels like getting laid, he will always know you are available, and when you need him, he will not be there. In a relationship, both parties should benefit from it, not just one. You deserve better.
As their social networks changed, so did male preferences. Maybe men don’t lock their eyes onto 36-24-36 like some broken slot machine after all, but instead possess a “flexible behavioral repertoire” that adapts sexual preferences to changing environments, the researchers conclude in Evolution and Human Behavior. A subsequent study corroborated the shortcomings of a global thin ideal, as well as the role of Western media in propagating it.
If you accept that a partner will come with problems, one approach is to consider that when choosing a partner you are also choosing a set of problems. Of course you should expect your partner to grow and some of these problems to be minimized or handled but partners need to accept the good and the bad, and work with that. In a positive way!
Response: DO NOT ASSUME ALL MEN ARE NATURAL GIVERS!!! That kind of mindset will screw you over when you’re in a relationship with someone who isn’t. You should be able to discern if your partner wants to meet your needs or if they could care less. Even then, some guys do the bare minimum to keep their partner content with their relationship so they can reap their own desired benefits with ease. Lack of communication with a partner will skew what they think about your condition. They could think you’re fine even though you are insinuating that you aren’t. Just discuss with your partner what you need clearly, if they happen to not comprehend what you’re saying then explain it a different way. If they are annoyed, well they are in the wrong for denying the fact that they must always take you into consideration. Regardless though, some grace must be given instead of flat out disappointment, try to help them understand the values of taking you into account.
Now before you attack that idea as sexist, we’re really just talking about two people who come together to love, care for and make each other’s life even better by forming a cooperative partnership here. The real beauty of a relationship is when two people come together with a desire to give rather than just take. That’s when the magic is unleashed.
Varely-you were honest and upfront, and unfortunately not many guys can handle it. I think dating is hit or miss. Even if you have chemistry with a guy it doesn’t mean anything will come of the relationship. He might not be interested. It’s all about taking chances, and you did, so that’s a good thing. And since you’re not looking for anything serious (or even if you were) – I’d tell you the same thing – on to the next, and forget that guy! XO
I loved this I have been doing allot of research on how to people have that certain quality that attracts men and think this is the most helpful. Many websites make you watch an hour long video to find out in the end that you have to pay money for the real secrets which is not right. This gives you simple steps with an effect. Thanks for some great tips! 🙂
As the team concludes in a recent issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, male hearts don’t seem to care what type of preconceived romantic preferences reside in male heads. (Interestingly, the same effect occurs in female participants.) “There’s something about getting that live impression of another person that seems to get in the way of people’s use of their ideals,” says Eastwick. That something may be the malleability of attraction: A girl with the pretty picture can be too cookie-cutter in person, while one with an average photo can be endearingly cute. “Attractiveness just seems like attractiveness in the abstract,” he says.
Rewrite your online dating profile from scratch; working with a blank page will get you thinking about what you really want. Then keep it updated, often—Casey, also Match.com’s relationships expert, says to keep it active, like your Facebook profile. “You change your résumé for every job—so you should be changing your online profile picture to show you on a recent ski trip, or talk about the newest movie you’ve seen. You need to be putting things out there that people will respond to, not just ‘Looking for someone with great eyes.'” And if you’ve yet to take the online dating plunge, c’mon, it’s 2013: The stigma is so 2008.
It’s a fact of life: men and human beings are visual creatures. There are certain things a man is going to respond to whether he wants to or not. I’m only giving you this information to help you… not to offend or be rude, so please
But many women have a difficult time harnessing the power of what relationship expert, Kara Oh, refers to in her highly recommended guide, Men Made Easy, as feminine grace. And even if you do realize how to use your own femininity to attract men, not understanding what men want and how they think will leave you utterly confused and feeling hopeless that you’ll never find “the one”.
Relationships take time, dedication, and a steady mix of patience to work out right. After all, you’re trying to build a life with someone, and that’s no easy task. However, that doesn’t mean that there isn’t a method to all of the madness or a way to get someone to notice the depth of your love and give you some of that adoration in return.
“Matthew is a genius whose magic needs to be shared with the world. His incredible understanding of love and relationships makes him the absolute best love guru! This book is a necessary tool for anyone looking for love.” (Eva Longoria, actor/producer)