Being able to truly let go in the bedroom is going to make it so much more fun for both you and him. Holding back out of fear of being judged and being awkward will only do a disservice to both you and him.
Realize differences in communication. Men can often miss the subtle messages that people send in their body language. Don’t judge a guy because of this; it’s just the way men are. Subtle body language like smiles only make a man think that you might like him; he can’t assume it means you’re interested without being accused of being a self-absorbed jerk. To drive the point home, gradually introduce more “obvious” body language like playful touches on the arm, playful banter and teasing, winks, inside jokes, playfulness, or (when you know him better) attempts to find a man’s ticklish spots. (Don’t be afraid to kindly tease him over minor things – people who pretend a man is perfect are regarded as weak in their eyes.) Flirting will not only show him you like him enough to get that physical and playful, but also help to break the physical barrier and allow a man to feel more comfortable making a few advances to you. But don’t forget to look at how he is reacting to you.
I agree with Django. All the women who attacked the OP with all your hate and bile are just… well… reluctant to accept the truth. The truth is, a truly feminine woman makes you hateful dykes feel threatened. It makes you “women” feel insecure because deep down even you know no man will ever fall for you and will obviously choose the sweeter more feminine girl.
Play hard to get. The worst thing you can do is to smother a guy or appear desperate. Men are attracted to the thrill of the chase, so if you’re chasing after him, you’re taking away the challenge. Keep it low-key and keep him on the edge of his seat. Maintain your composure. Your outward indifference may make him want you more.
While a girl’s physical appearance is the biggest sign of femininity, at times, it helps if you can display more femininity in your behavior. No, I’m not saying pink frills and scented paper. But there are always other ways to appear cuter and get a guy to take a second and third look at you. [Read: 10 ways to get a guy to notice you and fall for you without even talking to him]
Have a life. Desperate, dramatic, and clingy relationships are often rooted in a feeling of need and desperation for a man to fill your life. Even if you have low self-esteem, work over time to build it. Pursue your goals and be focused, explore your passions, have an interesting life, do things that take you outside your boundaries. Don’t put up a tough exterior to get over shyness; gradually learn to build trust with a network of people, so that your boyfriend isn’t the only person you open up to and share your life with. Also remember to trust yourself first. If you can’t trust yourself, you are likely to not trust your man.
Be mysterious. A huge part of attracting men is letting them figure you out. Don’t talk his ear off about every detail of your life or your feelings. Carefully think about what you say and don’t fill the conversation with idle gabbing. Also, don’t make yourself available all the time. Allow him to wonder where you are and what you’re doing.
The study seemed to confirm every stereotype anyone ever held about what men want (for the purposes of this article, what heterosexual men want). We want women. Now, please—although tonight will do. At worst tomorrow. We want them like that old Army poster with the finger pointing outward. We want you. We want you like we’re all Uncle Sam, and dammit if the Germans aren’t at it again. Pack up the lab equipment, please, shut off the lights, and move on to more important behavioral studies. Like finding out who drinks “lots of pulp” Tropicana.
I am a simpleton, therefore I am a… uh… simpleton? Anyway, I’m a guy of simple tastes, at least I think I am and it doesn’t take much to get my attention. Obviously a woman disrobing in front of me is a great way to get my attention, but let’s face it ladies, you’re not going to pony up and show me the goods right off the bat. That’s okay. I like a challenge.
That would mean that you are trying to get him to like the fake you, not the real you. If so, you can’t blame him for being confused later on, once you take the ‘mask’ off. So here is a little tip from us. Right off the bat, try to be yourself and show him what kind of person you are. It will save you both the time and hassle if you don’t like each other. It’s not just about the time, but it’s fair. We’re not suggesting you don’t take a shower for two days, and don’t do your hair, no. Keep it together, but don’t over do it. There is no need to act like a diva in front of a guy and pretend you are crazy about baseball if you’re actually not that kind of a girl. If you do, next thing you know: he’s taking you to weekly baseball games, and you’re not happy.
I’m excited to announce my very first guest blog post! I asked a few of my favorite male bloggers to list three things that attract them to a woman, along with three things that “repel” them. That is, if they were to approach a woman (at a bar, coffeeshop, whatever), what attracts them in the first place, and what turns them off?
But to call this desire universal is to ignore a great deal of competing information. While men in developed societies go numb for sinuous curves, those in many developing countries surrender to a larger, more parallel contour. Plumpness may be a sign of poor health in the West, but elsewhere it’s a sign that a woman has access to money and food. Some cultures even prefer a body type that health experts consider clinically overweight. And when a man changes culture, he adjusts his preferred measurements accordingly.
Take the first step. If you are comfortable with the girl, and you feel that you can trust her, help her to be able to trust you. Before you do this next step, make sure that she has confided in you a few things about herself. Once this is done, set a date. Don’t be too forward. If she has done what was previously been stated, you will not be rejected.
I’ll preface this by saying the few dating/relationship books I’ve flipped through or read descriptions for often come across as very condescending to women. This is especially true if meant to unveil the “male mind” and give it to us straight – the “ugly truth” type of stuff. They make women feel bad for being women. You come away from just one little paragraph feeling like men essentially don’t like women (beyond the physical). We’re told we need to be more feminine, but also think like men, less clingy, but not too independent – etc. Here is a book which focuses less on how women need to change their nature, needs, desires, etc, as if we’re hopelessly incompatible with men by nature, and instead it focuses on social skills & positive thinking modes for attracting & developing relationships with compatible men we actually like & who are worth OUR time & energy.
If you appreciate your man and are able to see him for who he is and love him for being that person, flaws and all, you are empowering him. When a woman is in a good place emotionally, she can empower her man effortlessly because it comes naturally to her. She brings out the best in him because she is coming from a place of love, not a place of control. She doesn’t need him to validate her sense of self or be the one to heal her from her painful past. She is with him because she wants to be, not because she has some agenda.
Whether you are walking, standing, or sitting, it is essential that you become comfortable in making the space you occupy all your own, whether you are alone or with others. To do this, you must not give any impression of discomfort, i.e., downcast eyes or self hugging. Instead, be “in the present” and enjoy your surroundings right now. This is what it means to own your space. It’s all about stopping to smell the roses, so to speak. Another way of putting it is: You have to become totally at ease in choosing to make yourself the queen of your space. Frankly, in any given moment, the area you occupy really does belong to you, so use it generously. You are much more likely to attract the right man if you appear to be someone who feels relaxed in her own skin.
And another thing that bother me about “feminists or overly strong women ” … Is why so extreme in their opinions ….. I have opinions but I love hearing other opinions why r u so mad if u obviously must have googled how to be more attractive to men haha 🙂
Don’t be a conformist bending over to everything she wants. It’s okay to be flexible, but don’t loose yourself. Sometimes she might not like something you do, if she gets upset, talk about it. Listen to her frustrations in a respectful manner and don’t react negatively, and her doing the same; have this agreement on putting all the cards on the table even if it might hurt the other; it might have rough patches but it pays off. That is true for all the unusually good relationships I know/heard of.
High self-esteem doesn’t just happen without behavioral change too. Therefore, it requires acting and trying out the behaviors of a high self-esteem individual. “Faking it until you make it” is a real and powerful phenomenon. So, practicing and acting can actually fix the core problem as well.
Dress to kill. Dress in clothes that make you feel sexy. You don’t have to look like a tramp, just keep in mind the styles that are attractive to men. Wear feminine clothing that accentuates your figure and hugs your body just right. Use the colors red or pink to your advantage; remember, men are visual.
The media might lead you to believe that getting a man is all about the physical: what you wear, how you do your makeup, the right push-up bra, the right scent. These things will certainly help you attract a man, but will do little to keep him interested and invested.
Agreed! And let’s face it, every woman is too good for a man. Mainly because they don’t see themselves as superior and don’t abuse men the way men abuse women. Considering all the shit they suffer from men women should be hating them.
The explanations of male thinking is also not “boys will be boys” trash that insists sexist and misogynistic behaviors are simply “biological” for men & have to be tolerated by women. Instead of making excuses, the author manages to be honest & fair in describing common male mindsets & how & why certain negative attitudes/behaviors are triggered (much as stereotypical female negative behaviors can be triggered by crappy moves on a guys’ part). Since a relationship is a dynamic, it’s only fair to adjust what you can control – yourself. So you learn very subtle methods to hone your social & dating skill to basically COMMUNICATE in a way that men in general will grasp correctly.
Dr. Pat Allen continues to note that humans have more white in their eyes than any other species, mainly since we use our eyes more for communication. In any event, play up that optic communicator, and pick an eyeliner that accentuates your lovely gaze.
A downside: the book directs you to online videos for more “secrets” which are really just teasers which lead you to another video they want you to pay for. I can see this as being an endless goose chase designed to keep you hooked & shelling out money while learning very little. I’d have more respect for the author & brand if they took a less scam-like approach. The video they want you to buy has a long intro to sell it which does the classic “play on women’s insecurities & promise grand secrets to solve all of their romance problems in a matter of days” approach, one which many dating gurus do. I find it borderline insulting & I naturally expect it to under-deliver with super obvious “insight” repeated ad nauseam just as the rest seem to. This approach is unfortunate & detracts from a brand that has the potential to be more positive & actually useful, as opposed to the insulting junk I described at the outset.
Next time you’re feeling fretfully single, try exploring your own nature: Write down your favorite foods or colors or songs or books or sports. Visit a therapist. Embark on a voyage of self-discovery for its own sake and because it is on that journey that you are likely to bump into the perfect traveling companion.
The result: She met tons of smart, funny and fascinating… women. “Don’t get me wrong,” says Marla. “I’m really glad I did all of that stuff. I made some wonderful friends and expanded my horizons. My new pursuits nourished my soul, but I have to say they did zip for my love life.”