I am well aware that there are always exceptions and different people like different things. But what I am going to take you through is some of the most common and universally true things that make a man feel attracted to you.
Does sending a facebook message to a random guy you just met in person look really desperate? I decided to take the plunge, and he replied but I’m still worried I look ‘desperate’. How do I play it cool?
Arching your back reflects lordosis behavior (basically sticking your butt out), which almost every female mammal exhibits during estrus. Estrus is the sign that all our male mammalian cousins are waiting for: the female has approved of their mating dance and is sexually receptive (i.e., in heat). So think of all that DNA history pumping through the guy in aisle 3 when he sees you “stretch out” before you reach for the Rice Krispies.
It also makes him feel a much deeper connection to you. If you put in the time to find out why he’s so passionate about his favorite subject, he’ll feel like you get him as a person, on a deep deep level.
Next time you’re feeling fretfully single, try exploring your own nature: Write down your favorite foods or colors or songs or books or sports. Visit a therapist. Embark on a voyage of self-discovery for its own sake and because it is on that journey that you are likely to bump into the perfect traveling companion.
Guys LOVE confident, independent women. Just remember not to be OVERLY independent or you’ll make him feel like he’s not needed. The trick is to find a balance between making your man feel needed without making him feel like you’re clinging to him.
One of those very first steps of courtship, dating, and mating is getting noticed by a potential lover. Sometimes, however, those first steps are the most difficult. How do you get that hot guy at the bar to come over and say hello? How do you get the cute gal at the coffee shop to smile and chat? Many people struggle with those questions – and miss potential romance as a result.
He also needs to be accountable for what he’s done and understand it’s not going to be easy to trust him for a while…maybe a long while. If he truly loves you and is truly sorry for what he’s done, he will understand that and will do what he can to help make the situation better.
On the other hand, a small percentage of men who produce a lesser-than-normal amount of testosterone may find themselves getting more attracted to women who are less feminine and more controlling and dominant in the relationship.
After reading this book, you will not only get the guy, but you’ll actually get him. You will understand how men think and what they’re looking for. Attracting the right guy is about being confident in who you are and the value you bring to the table—so you can find a guy who’s as great of a catch as you are!
Jack – My my, Kissinger and Latin in a short blurb about how women attract you? I’m in awe. Latin is badass, and I’m unashamed of the fact that I think that Kissinger is a stud. Eloquent and swoon-worthy, as always (you, not Kissinger… OK, well maybe both of you…). How do you not have droves of unconscious women at your feet wherever you walk?
Oh, and about the non-smiling and arm crossing thing…mostly I do this when I’m not in my car and walking around L.A. by myself, so I’m guilty too. Comes from the days of selling postage meters door-to-door in Inglewood and Downey. People didn’t much care for automated postage, and let me know. Go figure.
I had sex several times with a guy who is dating a girl. He says he doesn’t like me and that he is in love with his girlfriend, but that he won’t be able to control himself if we are alone in a room. Do I have a chance with him?
I agree with the author. As a girl I would watch the guys at my highschool and I would notice that the “girly-girls” or the more feminine ones always got the hot-jock type guys. I was always on the more non-feminine side until one of my friends (a guy) mentioned that guys liked “cute” girls. It made them feel more manly. I tried acting more girly and guess what, I got a boyfriend.
Respect means accepting he needs certain things, even if they are in opposition to what you want or need. For example, when men get stressed or feel unbalanced, they usually like to retreat into their “cave” to sort things out. They don’t necessarily like talking through the problem and would rather work it out on their own and then come back into the relationship re-charged.
She has a glow. Hard to describe this, but it’s something you can just feel when you see it. You can tell that she’s connected to her heart and is okay with sharing her love with the world. If a guy approached her and she wasn’t interested, she would be honest, yet have respect and compassion for his courage to come up talk to her.
A smile puts a man at ease. It tells a man you’re approachable. It tells a man you’re confident and happy: the exact type of woman a man wants. It strokes a man’s ego and makes him feel like you are pleased with him. It makes him feel more like a man.
If you were wondering what attracts men to women, it’s actually quite easy, and once you master it, you’ll have no trouble. Whether he’s a shy guy, the outgoing socialite or the Harvard intellectual the same rule applies for every single one, so arm yourself with what we are about to tell you, and with the new gained knowledge you’ll be living happily ever after.
► Joie de vivre / Gioia di vivere / Lebensfreude: A happy woman is an amazing sight to see. The character trait of being happy is incredibly attractive. People in general are put off by melancholy and angst. A happy person is an attractive person because people want to be around them. This is true for both men and women.
They want a woman who answers questions honestly, and perhaps even volunteers information. They want a woman who confidently asks for her wants and needs to be met. They want a woman who can see the truth and tell it like it is while communicating with kindness. Men want a woman who can communicate without being too critical, and who cares about preserving his and her dignity. Women think men want them to be superficial, to keep quiet about their needs or wants, and never to ask for anything. Women think men believe them to be too needy and too sensitive, and that men simply want women to get over it. Some women believe they do not have the permission to tell it like it is, that they will be rejected for speaking up.
Don’t be afraid to make a move. Let’s be real: a good man doesn’t desperately need any person; he would like to meet a good person. If he’s a good man, he will appreciate the compliment to his attractiveness, at the very least. But remember that compliments are usually given to acquaintances – people who are intimate usually have a more honest connection, with playful teasing and banter. Think of good relationships between brothers and sisters, parents and children, especially couples – they’re always joking, laughing, teasing, flirting in a positive way. A woman who is always complimenting may simply be boring and look desperate. Even if you are old-fashioned and never want to be the woman who asks a man for a date, you can still go out of your way to talk to him, and arrange to be with him. Don’t overdo this, however; unless he is already attracted to you before the encounter, the more obvious it is that you’ve put a ton of time into the encounter without his direct encouragement, the more desperate and less attractive you look. Work on building attraction first.
Doing what you can to be the most attractive version of you possible is only going to increase your options, increase your power, and increase your effectiveness with attracting the person you ultimately want to attract.
There’s a lot of debate about being completely bare or being mostly bare and having a landing strip. You can do a bunch of different fun things with this. And another benefit (in addition to men finding it hot) is that you will feel sexy knowing you are “groomed” down there. It’s just as much for you to feel sexy as it is for him to find you sexy.
If you accept who he really is when he’s not wearing his mask (without a hint of judgment – judgment will shut him down and drive him away from you in a blink), he will feel deeply, truly connected to you.
Men want no manipulation of any kind. They do not want to have to read their partner’s mind or try to interpret signals. They do not want to be forced to move faster in a relationship than they are ready. They do not want to be manipulated into taking all the blame for things gone wrong. They do not want to be on the receiving end of game playing. Women think men want little or no communication, and the only way to get needs met is through manipulation. Women think men either need or want to be reminded that the relationship needs to move forward. Women think men don’t want or value praise and acknowledgment, and so tend to only verbalize criticism.
I’m a guy and I just don’t get a few girls girls who’ve commented here! Every time a guy says something truthful (in this case, the author), and it makes you feel insecure, you just jump down his throat and try to force him to say he’s wrong! 🙂
Joe Amoia, The Smarter Dating Guy, is the founder and creator of Smarter Dating For Women. For more information visit him online at www.SmarterDatingForWomen.com and while you’re there make sure to sign up for the FR*EE 5 day mini e-course: The 5 Biggest Mistakes Women Make in Dating
Speaking from 38+ years of marriage … I want a woman who takes care of herself for me. The same as I take care of myself for her. A woman who lets herself go once she has landed her man is saying “I’m in this for me alone”. Of course the reverse is true, a man who does not take care of himself for his woman is just as guilty. Ladies and Gentlemen, successful relationships are not 50% / 50% deals, they are 100% / 100% deals. Be committed to giving your 100% all the time.
Hi Sam…So glad you liked the article. Flipping the hair, in conjunction with smiling and eye contact may indicate mild flirting. But hair flipping alone does not indicate interest. Some women are overly obsessed with appearance, and as such, may have developed the hair flipping thing as a nervous habit. Long story short, it depends upon the rest of her body language.
If you are sexually/romantically attracted to boys/men (and not girls/women), you are gay. If you’re young and not yet sure who you’re attracted to, that’s fine. It can take a while for some people to figure out their sexual orientation. Check out How to Know if You Are Gay.
Another offensive stereotype: “To a typical feminist, behaving in a demure or coy manner is a sign of weakness. And they can’t accept that a guy finds a cute *and dare, we say it… submissive* girl more attractive than a girl who likes to be a non-girlie girl.”
Is she, or does she look, bossy? – I once went on a dinner date with a zealous vegetarian called Judith. When I ordered a fillet steak she told the waiter to come back in a few minutes. ”Do you mind having something without meat?” she asked me. ”I beg your pardon?” ”It’s just – I couldn’t stand watching you eat a steak.” ”Er, right – so what should I have then?” ”How about spinach lasagne?” A short while later the waiter returned and I chivalrously changed my order. To a mixed grill. Judith and I spent the next hour in near silence before going our separate ways.
There’s a man locally who I’ve known for awhile (including times that we’ve been lovers), who really loves me, treats me well, and is also not pressuring me to be with him, though he’s made it clear that he’s interested.
The media might lead you to believe that getting a man is all about the physical: what you wear, how you do your makeup, the right push-up bra, the right scent. These things will certainly help you attract a man, but will do little to keep him interested and invested.
A specific and very useful example of owning your own space is when you choose to dine alone. Many women will not do this, but what better way to make yourself available to an interesting admirer than for you to enjoy a perfectly comfortable, leisurely lunch alone. I saw a man do this once when I was dining with my brother and other family members. Both my brother and I, who were teenagers at the time, were awestruck by this this unique man who dined as if he had all the time in the world. He was a master at owning his space. He wasn’t checking his watch or devouring a novel. He was eating, slowly. He savored his wine and then sat back to better appreciate the quiet hubbub of the servers and guests on the patio; He was incredibly relaxed. Somehow, he was impressive and charming at the same time. I have never forgotten the impact this stranger made upon me. I was just out of high school, but this stranger changed me forever.
Make eye contact and smile at the guy you like. Eye contact is necessary when initially trying to get your man’s attention. Eye contact is also an integral part of romance and feeling connected with someone else. If you’re in a public place, and you don’t know the guy, make eye contact first to show him that you’re interested. If he returns the eye contact, smiles in your direction or keeps looking back in your direction, then you should approach him.