Also, I find ironic that being demure and coy are now sought after qualities by men, when I have been criticized so much growing up for being soft-spoken and shy. ( I’ve become much more assertive over the years). Maybe being demure isn’t so attractive on western women?
I have been crazy about this older guy that I work with for years.First as a subordinate, now as a colleague. We have finally had an intimate moment that he called “something significant” however, we have not had sex. Problem is, I’ve been flirting, listening and being supportive as a friend but inside I’m going crazy with wanting him. He has recently broken up with a girlfriend and I know he is not ready for another relationship…last thing I want is to be the rebound girl. He has admitted that he is physically attracted to me and we have spoken about being lovers…only problem is, I don’t just want him in my bed, I want to be in his heart as well. I feel like I’m deceiving him because I told him I’m okay with just being lovers and that I will not expect any more than that. But he holds my heart already and I am dying not being able to show him how I really feel about him. As much as I want him physically, I want him to love me back as much as I love him. This is such a mess because I know that if I was to say no to being intimate with him now, I am making a liar of myself. Any advise?
The authors of The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right emphasize that in order to get a guy, a woman should always act busy—for instance, when a desirable man calls, it’s wise to set a timer to go off a few minutes later, then recite a memorized exit line, such as “Sorry, gotta go. I have a million things to do.” Here’s my crazy idea: How about actually having a million things to do? How about actually filling your life with interesting activities? If you want to attract a partner, identify what you love to do, and do it—a lot. Involved, busy people really are more attractive, so if you want to get engaged to your soul mate, start by being engaged in activities that fascinate you—especially those that have nothing to do with dating and that make you forget to go love hunting.
However, some people don’t pick such balanced relationships. Some repeatedly sell themselves short, giving way more than they get. In the end, these people often feel cheated, unappreciated, and used. Others repeatedly over-estimate their worth, asking for too much. They too end up feeling frustrated, when no one will meet their unrealistic expectations. Thus, both under-valuing and over-valuing one’s self leads to repeated problems in love.
Great advice. For me the problem is posture. I have poor posture because I have been sick most of the winter and lost a lot of muscle. I am going to have to figure out which exercises will fix my posture!
Closed Minded women bother me. They know what they know and really couldn’t care a spit about a differing opinion. I was on a date one time with this gal who was Persian, we were having a great time. Then I told her about a friend of mine who is Iranian and as soon as I said what region she was from; culturally divisive spew erupted from this girl’s mouth. I couldn’t believe it! No common ground could be reached, she was beside herself just denigrating my friend’s regional culture… I couldn’t get over it, our date ended shortly there after. Closed Mindedness and self imposed ignorance are two bad tastes that were never made to go together.
When a woman tells a man what to do, she is essentially emasculating him by taking away the very thing that makes him feel significant: his ability to provide. When you boss him around, he feels like a failure for not being able to do his job. Rather than wanting to do more for you, he feels defeated and retreats.
i also totally agree with that article. This person totally understands us men and i just have to say to all the girls here who disagree is that you don´t have to accept the fact that you have to behave different from usual but they should accept the fact that that´s how men are. We just like these kind of girls and even though i don´t hate girls who are self confident i wouldn´t want to date a girl who isn´t the least bit feminin. It´s the same for girls. Girls also have tipical imaginations of how a boy should be and we boys just have to accept this fact wether we like it or not. I just think it´s funny that the girls on this site don´t want to accept it but on the contrary won´t accept a boy for what he is.
Varely-you were honest and upfront, and unfortunately not many guys can handle it. I think dating is hit or miss. Even if you have chemistry with a guy it doesn’t mean anything will come of the relationship. He might not be interested. It’s all about taking chances, and you did, so that’s a good thing. And since you’re not looking for anything serious (or even if you were) – I’d tell you the same thing – on to the next, and forget that guy! XO
Another tip: Applying makeup (of any kind) is best left for the powder room. Lining your lips in public is not sexy; it’s actually sort of tacky—so don’t think you’ll draw the worthwhile man’s attention that way. You won’t. However, if you preen well, you will definitely pique his interest and desire… in a good way. At the end of the day, he’ll be thinking of your poise, intelligence, and yes, your sex appeal—and that, after all, is your goal,
So there you have it, understanding how to attract men in any situation really comes down to not being so needy, so watch out for that. Incidentally, if you want to know more practical tips for getting his attention from the moment you see him, take a look at my post: How To Get A Guy To Notice You.
8. Car Shows. Sure, you’d rather see the new Matisse exhibit; just squint your eyes and pretend it’s abstract art. Guys who are really into cars tend to be very capable and good with their hands, even if they sometimes provide you with more information about your Jetta’s carburetor than you really need. You don’t have to exhibit any particular knowledge of cars, says a frequent visitor to such shows. “Just say ‘Hey, nice car!’ As long as you’re talking, that’s good enough,” he says.
Kindness: A kind woman is the most attractive woman in the room. Men love it if a woman is kind to the people who maybe from a lower rung of society. It is very attractive if the woman makes it a point to be extra nice to servers at the restaurant.
I have met many men who are looking for that brilliant, kind, accomplished size 4 when they are fat, unemployed (or underemployed),uneducated misogynists. In my dating profiles I have had to ask men not to contact me if they were deficient in employment, physical attributes, or wealth. Who are the women who like that sort of male?
Femininity comes naturally to some girls *not just Asian girls*, but it’s an art that’s worth learning. If you want to know how to attract men, all you need to do is exude your feminine side while talking to them. And once you try that, you’ll know what I’m talking about. [Read: How to flirt with a guy without really flirting at all]
Sometimes in relationships, we can get blinded by the good parts. But what about the not-so-good parts? If your significant other fits any of these descriptions, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship.
A man usually feels cautious around overdressed and overrated woman. He knows how much the perfume she’s wearing costs but he prefers to breathe fresh air. He dreads breaking her long witchy black nails during an intimate encounter, so he prefers to hang out with a woman he can touch without fear.
After reading this book, you will not only get the guy, but you’ll actually get him. You will understand how men think and what they’re looking for. Attracting the right guy is about being confident in who you are and the value you bring to the table—so you can find a guy who’s as great of a catch as you are!
The reason I am saying to you this is because when you compare yourself, all you do is make yourself feel miserable and frustrated. The best thing to do is be your best self and focus on things you can control and improve upon. This will make you feel good.
That doesn’t make him a bad person, and it doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s just something to be aware of, and something to take into consideration when you’re having expectations about the future with him.
Follow those four simple steps and success is assured. Here’s an actual excerpt from the book—I’m not kidding. If you’re drinking anything, put the cup down *now* or your keyboard will be drenched in a few seconds:
Be feminine. Keep in mind that if a man wanted to be with a man, he would be. So be girly, be feminine, be a woman. What does that mean? Smell good, cook him a meal once in a while, mother him when he needs it — find the cavewoman in you.
Who can listen: At the end of the day, men are human, and are social beings. We have our own insecurites, fears and thoughts. We need someone to lend us a ear, Pat on our back and say everything is going to be alright. We need someone who will listen to what we have to say, rather than who would keep on bitching or gossiping or talking about some stupid reality show.
In order to figure out how to make things happen off the Internet, I spoke to expert Adam LoDolce, who gives advice to both men and women as “The Dating Confidence Coach”. His new e-book, *The Top 5 Reasons Why Quality Guys Are NOT Approaching You (and How to Change That) *) deals with the subject (and can be downloaded for free!) and he agreed to give us his best tips for how get the guys to approach.
That’s better than nothing, I guess. But, people with (authentic) high self-esteem are naturally happy and confident and naturally like other people so they naturally do all that anyway. Most people can spot someone trying to fake self-confidence and/or happiness.
“Men seemed to have a heightened sense of the precariousness of the male gender role,” says University of South Florida psychologist Jennifer Bosson, the paper’s lead author. “We haven’t found many men willing to admit that my manhood is often in question, but when you ask men in general if manhood is something that’s easy to lose and hard to attain, they agree that’s the case.” Or, as the Kinsey Institute’s Julia Heiman puts it: “Heterosexual men have a little trouble saying they really like kissing and cuddling.”
But cute changes everything. When a girl behaves in a cute and feminine manner, it brings out the protective instincts of a man. Instead of feeling threatened by a feminine girl, he feels protective about her. That makes him feel more masculine, and that’s something every guy loves to feel! [Read: Why men love a damsel in distress and feel more emotionally connected to them]
Arching your back reflects lordosis behavior (basically sticking your butt out), which almost every female mammal exhibits during estrus. Estrus is the sign that all our male mammalian cousins are waiting for: the female has approved of their mating dance and is sexually receptive (i.e., in heat). So think of all that DNA history pumping through the guy in aisle 3 when he sees you “stretch out” before you reach for the Rice Krispies.
But to call this desire universal is to ignore a great deal of competing information. While men in developed societies go numb for sinuous curves, those in many developing countries surrender to a larger, more parallel contour. Plumpness may be a sign of poor health in the West, but elsewhere it’s a sign that a woman has access to money and food. Some cultures even prefer a body type that health experts consider clinically overweight. And when a man changes culture, he adjusts his preferred measurements accordingly.
Men have always been the more aggressive sex in the human species. They’re usually the ones who spread their legs wider, stand tall and swell their chest up while trying to appear threatening all the time, more so when they’re in an argument or when they meet someone they see as a threat in any manner.
Frankly, women are still unsure what attracts men to them. Hot bodies and gorgeous faces are in, but getting the right man is still a difficult task at hand. But if the above thesis is right, then there isn’t much left to do other than be youself!!! 🙂
If it doesn’t, let’s say you’d rather settle down and raise a family in one place rather than travel, then your visions aren’t aligned. It won’t feel to him like you’re helping him move towards his dreams (just like it won’t feel like he’s helping you towards your dreams either). If that’s the case, then it’s not a good match.
Treat him with respect. This is the most important thing of all. Men hate being around someone who emasculates them, and a good man won’t take long to leave such a person. Don’t be afraid to help your man feel good about himself. A little known secret is that men are just as insecure as women. If he’s with his friends or family be open to opportunities to let your man look like “the man”. It will win his love and respect.
The predator model of love leads to a hunter’s way of dating: Seek large gatherings of your prey, dangle a false self as bait, wait for an individual to stray from the herd, then pounce on him with all the wit and wile it takes to bring him down. Internet matchmaking services, singles bars, speed dating, personal ads and even blind dating all borrow from this “statistical mass” logic. I’ve seen clients spend years dating this way, entering one briefly exciting, painfully doomed relationship after another. This is not a numbers game. It’s a soul search.
What I’ve found is that once you’re in your 30s, groups of friends thin out — many get married, move away, etc. You essentially should beget more friendships, save time by cutting out your hobbies and working out at home some of the time to save time on gong to & being at the gym.
Women who are clear about how they feel: Men like women that display behavior that is equivalent to how they feel. Ex: If you’re angry about something, tell them the reason, they will do what they can to fix it. Do not act passive aggressive and hope that they find out the reason.
That’s awesome! You “treat your friends very well”, but the man you’re sizing up for suitability (as if he’s there to meet your demands) isn’t worth the effort you give your friends. Well, he’s sizing you up, too, and apparently “leech” isn’t what he was seeking. You have the right to demand a sugar daddy, and they have the right to seek elsewhere.
BTW true feminists should be willing to fight for men’s equality as well, and hopefully not criticize them for not fighting for yours. We beat men up emotionally more in this culture than ever before and then tell them they aren’t /can’t be man enough for us.