[…] I am often left a little confused, when I see the decisions men make, in regards  to choosing a mate.  And really i believe that it stems from the fact that there are really just to many of us. Not in a bad way, just in a probability way. There are so many types of people with myriad hobbies and interests that it seems overwhelming to have all of the pegs align.  The other reason is that most women have pretty skewed ideas about what men actually find attractive. Yes guys, do love thongs but they also like self confidence. And girls who can talk about things not cloths, shoes, celebrities.  Sometimes the best way to get an answer is to ask the source. Here are a few guys, and what turns them on and off of a potential date.  http://www.kellyseal.com/?p=451 […]
Thirdly, and I guess its part of being confident, is being organized. A man loves a girl who has things planned and ready. I won’t go into too much detail here, but generally a woman must all the bases covered and be punctual. If you are already living with a guy, make sure the house is well stocked with food and all the other stuff like shampoo, soap etc etc. Dinner must be on time. A man REALLY REALLY appreciates a woman who is on top of that sort of thing.
[…] For the male perspective on turn-ons and turn-offs, written by three of my favorite male dating bloggers (Jackie Summers, The Urban Dater, Jeffrey Platts and Fishy) see this collaborative post by Kelly Seal. […]
On the other hand, that type of man is not entirely “worthless for everyone”. A woman of equal value may indeed like that type of male. Or, more specifically, they might be a balanced match for her (i.e. the best she can get herself). Again, that is why an honest self-assessment is necessary. Just as not all men can get a brilliant beauty, not all women can catch the eye of a well-muscled, CEO.
Roxelana, called Hürrem Sultan, entered the harem of Süleyman the Great as a Ukrainian slave, when she was only 15. She quickly beat out all of her gorgeous and numerous competitors. Her joyful spirit and playful temperament earned her a new name, Hürrem, from Persian Khorram, “the cheerful one”. In the Istanbul harem, her influence over the Sultan soon became legendary. She was allowed to give birth to more than one son which was a stark violation of the old imperial harem principle, “one concubine mother — one son.”
Every time you have sex with this guy, you are falling in more deeply in love with him, giving yourself false hope. The fact is, you are second-best to him, a backup plan. When he feels like getting laid, he will always know you are available, and when you need him, he will not be there. In a relationship, both parties should benefit from it, not just one. You deserve better.
“There is an urgent need to expand what we mean by ‘attractiveness’ to include a much broader array of factors than physical traits alone,” says Swami. Studies indicate that a majority of people are concerned with their appearance, “but studies also indicate that attraction and relationship formation are often more strongly predicted by factors other than physical appearance. Physical attractiveness might matter in the absence of social interaction, but once social interaction takes place, the importance of appearance diminishes rapidly.”
Verely; what you did wrong telling this guy you liked him is you were too easy. You have to find a way to attract a man to you, by being friendly, flirtatious maybe, but you don’t just give yourself to him.
Get over emotional baggage from previous relationships. Carrying baggage over from previous relationships can harm your current one. Throw out old mementos, pictures, and items of your ex to help you get over them.[19] Don’t make assumptions about all men because of your previous experiences and don’t think that you have an extraordinary intuition, especially when that intuition manifests negatively most of the time.
If you’re a girl that likes to joke around then you’re definitely in advantage if wondering how to attract men. And if you are serious, than just loosen up a bit, you don’t have to be a stand-up comedian for a guy to think you’re funny.
If it’s up to a man to protect and provide for his woman and family, what is it that he wants and needs from her in return? Simply put, a woman’s beauty and grace attracts a man and is often demonstrated in her innate ability as a nurturer or caretaker.
This book doesn’t insult your intelligence, berate you for being a woman, tell you that you have to compromise your values, or leave with some sick feeling that manipulation of men & dishonesty with your own feelings/needs is the “secret”.
But for love to blossom in the first place, you need to build the sexual attraction before you make him fall in love with you. It’s the safest way to make sure the guy falls for you and stays in love with you. [Read: The 7 stages of love for men]
Matthew Hussey has coached thousands of high-powered CEOs, showing them how to develop confidence and build relationships that translate into professional success. Many of Matthew’s male clients pressed him for advice on how to apply his winning strategies not to just get the job, but how to get the girl. As his reputation grew, Hussey was approached by more and more women, eager to hear what he had learned about the male perspective on love and romance.
I’ll do anything to make my wife/girlfriend happy, and in return I want to be loved. This is not a deal! This is what I call connection (mutual or whatever!) For a man having romance, being appreciated, being respected, … means nothing if he doesn’t feel to be loved.
Omg! omg! Can’t believe this! Evrythng worked on the first time itself! He was away for the weekend with his buddies n I was all alone! I gave him his space n happily talked to him when he returned, dressed cute for the evening n he’s dying to spend the next weekend with me! Never ever happened in 3 yrs! Thanks a ton!
It’s quite funny how some of you can’t accept the truth. To be honest, this article is true in so many levels. I’m naturally one of those “cute, sweet and feminine” girls, I love wearing pastel colors, skirts, and dresses, I am told that I am well-mannered, and I am somewhat shy. When I was younger, however, I thought that being an “aggressive tomboy” like one of my friends was the way to go. So then, I decided to wear dark clothes, act rude and get violent. You see, my friend had a bunch guys going after her. I got jealous so I decided to be like her. I realized that these boys were just using her, and the guys who actually liked her were the “not-so cute” and nerdy guys. I didn’t want that, so I reverted back to my old self. When I was acting like my friend, I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t get a sweet boyfriend. Until I recently read this article, it gave me hope and made me realize that I can still be that sweet and feminine girl that I was before, and get a guy who will truly care about me. Now I have a rather handsome yet sweet guy who likes me for the real me, and eveyone says we make a rather cute couple. I learned a very valuable lesson here. Thank you 🙂
Women are the prime target of marketers, social media and politicians. They had managed to manipulate women’s thoughts bombarding them with the “how to” messages: how to dress to impress, how to walk and talk, how to acquire the ideal body shape, even how to express themselves.
A subsequent study led by Eastwick confirmed that men don’t always recognize what they want in a woman. The researchers asked male participants to list a few traits they like in a lady. Then some of them had a brief, live interaction with a female who matched these interests, while others had a similar interaction with someone who didn’t.
Keeping up a conversation: It would be a blessing if you can keep up a conversation other than just saying “hmmmm”, “k” etc. Please for God’s sake read some books, read the newspaper, contribute to the conversation. We need not Discuss International Taxation, Monetary policy, fiscal policy or Politics, but atleast you should be able to talk about the regular stuff in our life, like Cricket 😉
It is not easy for people to find a good man, and to be honest it is not easy for a man to find a good person. This is written from a man’s perspective to help frustrated people that are sincerely looking for a good man but keep finding losers.
She is drunk. Whether it’s a bar, club or a dinner party, I’m not into a woman who feels the need to get sloshed in order to have a good time or feel confident around guys. The best indicator of whether there is a real connection is when both people are sober and able to connect to each other based on their authentic selves.  Meeting while drunk just adds another social mask that will eventually come off anyways.
What do men want in a woman? It may seem like a loaded question, but really the answer is quite simple. While every guy has his own preferences when it comes to the physical–some like blondes, some like brunettes; some like petite, some like curvy–there are several fundamental qualities that all men crave in a woman.
For now, allow your genes and natural history to be the best wing man in the business. We definitely don’t need to be slaves to our primate history, but it sure doesn’t hurt to be aware of it and use it gain influence with the opposite sex.
Getting a nice, reliable and trustworthy man for a relationship is something that every woman dreams of. However, sometimes this dream can be easy or hard to achieve depending on many factors. Some factors can be within your control and others outside your control. But experience has shown that either way, there is a way of getting Mr. Right.
Lastly, I like a woman that knows how to move her body, no, not sexually speaking, I mean, yeah, that’s important, but that’s not what I mean.  I like a woman who’s a bit of “action star” she likes to be active, likes dancing, someone who can’t sit still for too long.  I’m like this, too, so it only makes sense to find someone who is of a similar cut of cloth in this sense.
A guy may think a girl is attractive. But in his subconscious mind, he’s gauging you as the woman who may carry his offspring one day. [Read: Evolution and the parts of a woman’s body that has the biggest impact on men]
Joe Amoia, The Smarter Dating Guy, is the founder and creator of Smarter Dating For Women. For more information visit him online at www.SmarterDatingForWomen.com and while you’re there make sure to sign up for the FR*EE 5 day mini e-course: The 5 Biggest Mistakes Women Make in Dating
As I say in point 5 of the article, the best relationships are a trade among individuals of relatively equal value. So, the men who are looking for a valuable female, without being a valuable male, are indeed asking too much and giving too little. That may fool some people in the short-term, but it is not a successful strategy to find a satisfying relationship.
I’m excited to announce my very first guest blog post!  I asked a few of my favorite male bloggers to list three things that attract them to a woman, along with three things that “repel” them.  That is, if they were to approach a woman (at a bar, coffeeshop, whatever), what attracts them in the first place, and what turns them off?
Odour – Girls should smell nice. It’s as simple as that. We all have difficult moments but the one thing I can say about my mum, and my one and only long-term girlfriend, is that they a/ never smelt of BO, and b/ never left a stink in the bathroom. I lived with a German girl last year for a while and going in the bathroom after her was like visiting Chernobyl. Seriously.
What makes a man select one woman over another often boils down to how she makes him feel. It’s not how beautiful she is. It’s not how smart she is or how rich her parents are. At the end of the day, the most irresistible woman is the one who makes a man feel good.
Dating is sometimes a difficult and frustrating process. It is easy to feel stuck in a rut, unable to find a good man or woman. Much of the time, however, what seems like a big problem is often just a little “quirk” preventing someone from seeing better opportunities. It is possible to increase the odds of finding a good partner simply by refusing to chase bad partners, overcoming biases, not relying on fate, setting clear goals, and/or making balanced trades. Pay attention to these “dating mistakes” and you might just find yourself more happy in love!
By far the easiest and simplest way to invite a man to come into your kingdom. Men are more intimidated than ever to approach women in the 21st Century. Why? You all can do just as much as we can now, so we are lacking the confidence that our forefathers had when roles were more clearly defined. A warm smile can ignite a man’s courage to walk up to you.
Talk about how you do not want to rush her and you do not want to make her feel uncomfortable in any way. Tell her that you will wait until she is ready, even if it means waiting years. She’ll appreciate these words.
I actually AM one of those cute and feminine girls. I ‘ve always been. Here’s some personal experiences for y’all: I once dated a guy with not so much testosterone (he was a skinny guy who was a complete NERD). It sucked, we had nothing to connect to, and he eventually dumped me for a more “dominant” girl. Now, I have a guy who is LOADED with testosterone (and he’s attractive), who likes me. Whenever I get cold, he offers his jacket. When I’m scared or upset, he does everything in his power to make me happy. People say he’s fallen quite hard for me, and I don’t blame him!
In short, he wants a woman who sees him as the hero he’s always wanted to be — and when you really get that you just might be shocked at how heroic he truly is in his heart and soul. Ladies, that is the real greatness of a man. For the right reason or cause, he would literally die for you. Now if that’s not a hero, what is?
..what should i do now,.I have two boyfriends,but I didnt see the one because he was at other contry.For a long time,no conversations for 5 years I have found my second bf.what should I do?what if he would come back and we will see each other?
I had sex several times with a guy who is dating a girl. He says he doesn’t like me and that he is in love with his girlfriend, but that he won’t be able to control himself if we are alone in a room. Do I have a chance with him?
Despite what you may think or your past experience — you may never know just how much a man really does want to please you if he is able. In fact, the problems show up when he no longer thinks he can please you. Men are very simple creatures. They demonstrate their value by solving problems and fixing things (and occasionally they may make the mistake of trying to fix you).
I am white. Before dating me, my man dated many Asian women. He is still friends with a few of them. I always felt a little frustrated by this. If he liked blondes, I could dye my hair. I cannot change my ethnic background!
Discover what men said they want from women as contrasted with what women think men want. You’ll also find tips for women to give men what they want, attract a great man, and create a wonderful relationship.
Is she, or does she look, bossy? – I once went on a dinner date with a zealous vegetarian called Judith. 
When I ordered a fillet steak she told the waiter to come back in a few minutes.
”Do you mind having something without meat?” she asked me.
”I beg your pardon?”
”It’s just – I couldn’t stand watching you eat a steak.” 
”Er, right – so what should I have then?”
”How about spinach lasagne?”
A short while later the waiter returned and I chivalrously changed my order. To a mixed grill. 
Judith and I spent the next hour in near silence before going our separate ways.

Jade….So very glad you found this article at this crucial time in your life. How kind of you to call it “brilliant.” I am flattered. But I hear you. I was used to plenty of attention as well. In my case, I started getting “older,” so I had to remind myself of all the things I had been doing differently than a fair amount of other ladies. The good news? Those things still work. Ha!
Now, you not being all that emotionally & sexually drawn to the local guy — that could be that he’s just filling the void that you don’t have with your LD Boyfriend. If your local friend was a Hunk, I think you would have slept with him at some point and been going thru a breakup with your LD Boyfriend, etc.
People also get hurt at various times in their dating lives. As a result, they find ways to protect their egos and self-esteem. They find ways of coping with the rejection, disappointments, and frustrations of finding love. Unfortunately, some of those ways are better than others.
In other words, saying you value physical attractiveness doesn’t make you more likely to feel a spark with those you consider physically attractive, the researchers report in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. “When men say they care about physical attractiveness more than women, what that should mean is that attractiveness buys you more romantic desirability if you’re a woman than if you’re a man,” says Eastwick, now at Texas A&M University. “Our study showed that in fact that wasn’t the case.”
Attracting men has everything to do with our “aura” or the quality we emanate. In fact, whenever you come across a man whose attention you want to attract, you may be surprised to discover that you don’t have to do all that much when you’re around him. It’s all about how you do whatever you’re doing in that moment when an interesting man is nearby. As the French say, it’s all about your “je ne sais quoi,” (that indefinable, intangible quality that makes something distinctive or attractive) The truth is, most men are going to sum you up in a few short seconds, before you even have a chance to say, “Hello.” Consequently, it is important that you maintain an awareness of the image you are projecting in each given moment.
But I never quite know how to make it happen. Although I’m a friendly person, I’m definitely on the shy side about making the first move. All you braver ladies out there who can do it, I salute you. But for those of us that are a little more reserved, how do you get the guys to come to you?
Relationships take time, dedication, and a steady mix of patience to work out right. After all, you’re trying to build a life with someone, and that’s no easy task. However, that doesn’t mean that there isn’t a method to all of the madness or a way to get someone to notice the depth of your love and give you some of that adoration in return.
Now before you attack that idea as sexist, we’re really just talking about two people who come together to love, care for and make each other’s life even better by forming a cooperative partnership here. The real beauty of a relationship is when two people come together with a desire to give rather than just take. That’s when the magic is unleashed.
Being feminine is about being who you really are as a woman. This is a mixture of softness, strenght, maturity, gentleness, sex appeal and beauty (inner and outer). The stereotypes this article states are just contributing to bringing down women. You shouldn’t change who you are no matter what…even if it’s for attracting guys.
To me, it’s a numbers game. If you see a girl that you like, then go over and strike up a conversation, period. If she’s not into you, fine, you may feel stupid for a few mins, but atleast you went to bat. Better than watching her walk away and wondering if…
And it must be in keeping with my own perspective, because it all seems obvious and self evident to me. I don’t have a list of “must have traits”, I’d rather meet a guy, get to know him, and see how things shake out. It never works. It doesn’t matter if I meet him at work, through friends, in night class, or through a dating service, it always goes exactly the same. Either he’s married, or he decides I’m not good enough for him.
Have a conversation about the seriousness of the relationship. This all comes down to what you are looking for. You may be looking for a committed long-term relationship or you may just want to have fun. Either way, the guy that you’re with should understand what you want out of the relationship. Have a conversation with them about your expectations and don’t be afraid to hurt their feelings. If you wait and they make assumptions, it may end up hurting their feelings even worse later on.
But some things have changed. One re-creation of the classic study, which was conducted by an international group of researchers and published in Human Nature, found that men are much more likely to date a woman than they had been in 1989. Although the updated study was conducted on paper, not in person, it included a larger and more diverse population of men, and it varied the attractiveness of the sex solicitor. More men were willing to date a “slightly unattractive” woman than were willing to sleep with an “exceptionally attractive” woman, 87 percent to about 82.