In his book, Get the Guy, Matthew Hussey—Cosmopolitan columnist, Today show dating expert, motivational speaker, relationship guru, and matchmaker—reveals the secrets of the male mind and the fundamentals of dating and mating for a proven, revolutionary approach to help women to find lasting love.
Have you ever found yourself coming home from a tough day at work, only to find your husband sitting on the couch, watching TV, with nary a scrap of food in sight (let alone a scented bath drawn for you)? And instead of getting angry, have you then found yourself cooking dinner, folding a few loads of laundry, and picking up your kids’ toys—all while he finishes up his Monday Night Football viewing session?
Frankly, women are still unsure what attracts men to them. Hot bodies and gorgeous faces are in, but getting the right man is still a difficult task at hand. But if the above thesis is right, then there isn’t much left to do other than be youself!!! 🙂
I really like the point about being self-aware. Pick the top 3 qualities that are important and allow that the rest may not match as well. I think if we move away from mentality of judging “does that person fit me” to cooperating “how can we make this work”, a lot of relationships can be saved and improve.
A man wants a woman who just “gets” him. He wants her radiance and femininity to draw him in the way his masculine energy attracts her. He wants a woman who appreciates his ability to protect, provide and solve problems. He wants her to admire him for his steadiness and sense of calm under pressure. He doesn’t want to feel emasculated because he’s way more logical and analytical and doesn’t (necessarily) cry at sappy movies.
Jade….So very glad you found this article at this crucial time in your life. How kind of you to call it “brilliant.” I am flattered. But I hear you. I was used to plenty of attention as well. In my case, I started getting “older,” so I had to remind myself of all the things I had been doing differently than a fair amount of other ladies. The good news? Those things still work. Ha!
Guys LOVE confident, independent women. Just remember not to be OVERLY independent or you’ll make him feel like he’s not needed. The trick is to find a balance between making your man feel needed without making him feel like you’re clinging to him.
Either the guy is just interested in having sex with men and no emotional strings attached, or the guy is indeed gay but still in denial. Guys are often into guys but scared of family and friends so they find themselves settling for just sexual pleasure and nothing more. That being said, if he says he’s not gay, take him at his word. It’s up to each individual to choose how they identify.
If you just want to stay casual, you can say, “Hey, I really like you, but I don’t want a serious relationship right now. I’m just trying to have fun and don’t want to be committed. If you don’t want that and don’t want to see me, I totally understand.”
If you put effort towards those areas of your life, you will become the best and most attractive version of yourself that you can be – and that’s what the men who will be attracted to you really care about the most.
Something about being in a relationship even seems to change instinctual male desires. A good deal of evidence suggests that men sense when a woman is primed for reproduction; they can tell she’s ovulating, for instance, just by sniffing a T-shirt she wore, and they rate her as more attractive—and, in one classic study of strippers, give her better tips—at these times of the month than at others.
This is a great post. I have always noticed when I would go out with some of my friends how their behavior would change around men. I always tried to tell them to relax.I definitely agree about the not talking about your exes. Not only have I heard my friends do it, but I used to have this problem too. Great advice. Love the post. I am sharing this with all my girl friends.
If you’ve ever fallen hard for someone in the early stages of crushes and dating, you know the most frustrating — and the greatest — thing about it can be trying to gain their attention and earn their returned love. You want to prove yourself as someone worthy of their time and affection, but it’s never just as easy as casting a magic spell to make it all go well, is it?
Completely, personally I feel perfectly fine being feminine/cute and still maintaining my strengths/including career accomplishments and abilities to work hard in a variety of different fields (that may be labeled more or less masculine or feminine)
When a guy sees a girl’s physical assets, he subconsciously sees more than just your breasts or your butt. The right curves in all the right places tells a guy that a girl is fertile and has come of age, and that she’s healthy because her body can afford to waste energy on developing her curves which play the biggest role in sexual attraction.
Men are starved for appreciation. No man is going to come right out and say it, so you’re really going to have to take my word for it. In relationships, women mostly want to feel loved and understood. What men want most is to be appreciated and respected. Rather than focusing on what your man isn’t doing, try to hone in on the good things he is doing (there have to be some).
Despite what you may think or your past experience — you may never know just how much a man really does want to please you if he is able. In fact, the problems show up when he no longer thinks he can please you. Men are very simple creatures. They demonstrate their value by solving problems and fixing things (and occasionally they may make the mistake of trying to fix you).
I am a single mother of 3. I made the wrong choices in men. I have always been a hard independent working mother and always will put my children first. I got out of a relationship that turned out to be abusive and couldn’t stand the evironment around my children and wasn’t a healthy relationship. Oh believe me, I told his mother to come get him cause he was a mommies boy and just couldn’t seem to grow up. Men puts on that first impression so he can get u and after your with them for a while, their true colors come out. Everyone has their flaws but watch the red flags!
I appreciate that this book is about subtle nuances too. Often we don’t know what we do wrong because it’s not anything big but a subtle signal, and we don’t know why our positive signals are ignored & that’s because they are TOO subtle. This advice rang true because I’ve noted men in general communicate more with action & are generally MORE sensitive than women, meaning they need LOUDER positive signals & SOFTER negative ones. The author refers to this as the “fragile male ego” which is really SENSITIVITY.
Respected relationship expert Dr. Pat Allen suggests using red lipstick, since our 4-legged primate ancestors once attracted their male counterparts with their swollen vulvas. Now that we are on 2 legs, parts are, well… quite hidden, so evolution has passed the mating magnet to another pair of exposed lips.
Relationships need a lot of effort, but sometimes it’s not easy to figure out where you should be directing that effort. Want to be more successful in dating? Then you’ll want to follow these simple steps for how to make a man fall in love with you, because believe it or not, there is actually a formula. It might not be magic, but it’s as close to a magic as you can get — and it’s also far more reliable.
To me, it’s a numbers game. If you see a girl that you like, then go over and strike up a conversation, period. If she’s not into you, fine, you may feel stupid for a few mins, but atleast you went to bat. Better than watching her walk away and wondering if…
Let’s get one thing straight ..I LOVE being feminine but it doesn’t mean just Bc im a traditional woman that I don’t have my own things going on with career too , ..ladies , there CAN be some of both without u being so threatened by men why do you have to be SO extreme ??! I can’t stand an overbearing woman ….
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I completely agree with this article, 100 percent! I saw this on a page that was linked in a forum where a girl was bitching and moaning about how screwed up men are. But hey, don’t you get it? This is what men want. And this is what men find irresistible! Men want to be like men, and there’s nothing wrong with women displaying their femininity.
“We haven’t done a good job giving men an emotional language, culturally speaking, to say ‘hooking up doesn’t work,'” says Plante. “To say, ‘I actually like to know my partner. I like to be in a relationship with her. I like to be connected to her. That’s what turns me on, more so than that she’s attractive.'”
When someone tells you that the best way to attract someone is by being yourself, well, they’re not entirely right. All of us change all the time. And not every change that we see in ourselves may be in the right direction.
Ideally, this situation is fixed by understanding why your emotions are intense and then making a better, logical decision. It is understanding that your emotions are not really providing accurate information that will help. They are being influenced by the situation.
Display intelligence and depth. Don’t say “like” and “um” in every sentence. Intelligence is sexy. A smart woman who knows what she wants and how to get it will attract men everywhere she goes. Displaying your intellect reveals that you have depth. This will attract men more effectively than coming across as dim.
Great men want and need straightforward, courageous communication without anger or criticism. One way to attract a great man, and build a satisfying relationship, is to learn how to communicate your truth and needs effectively.
You are welcome, Sam. I will only add that I have had no objection to moving out of the way, from time to time, but it is always nice if the man moves. In addition, my office building has 22 floors. It is customary for the men to allow the women to enter and exit from the elevator before they do. It is just one of those very nice pleasantries which I appreciate very much. Often, I will murmur a quick, “Thank You” to the man or men.
How do I “They go out and meet people.” ? I can set aside an evening or 2 or a weekend afternoon. What strategies do you suggest for meeting women? I’ve been reading you for about a year now. I am totally sold on your whats and whys, and definitely want to hear more on your hows.
On the other hand, a small percentage of men who produce a lesser-than-normal amount of testosterone may find themselves getting more attracted to women who are less feminine and more controlling and dominant in the relationship.
If you decide you still want to be with him even though he cheated, then you truly need to forgive and then be open to moving forward. That means accepting what happened, getting any answers you need from him to set your heart and mind at ease so you can move forward, and then being able to forgive.
The newsletter is packed full of tips that will not only show you how to attract men and the signs of attraction from men, but also ways you can keep them interested and even how to get them to commit once you’re in a relationship. If you’re tired of having mediocre relationships and want to understand how to attract men easily then you need to check it out today.
He’s the one that needs to understand how he made you feel by cheating on you and if he wants to keep you, then he needs to understand it will take time before you trust him again and he should do everything he can to put your mind at ease and show you through his actions that it won’t happen again.
As I say in point 5 of the article, the best relationships are a trade among individuals of relatively equal value. So, the men who are looking for a valuable female, without being a valuable male, are indeed asking too much and giving too little. That may fool some people in the short-term, but it is not a successful strategy to find a satisfying relationship.
So in essence, your local “friend” isn’t that attractive, but he provides you with something you’ve been missing. He’s the Beta male, and your LD Boyfriend, with the help of the long-distance itself, was more Alpha. In an odd, indirect way, you were wanting the best of both worlds — much like a gal wanting the “bad boy” to an extent, but also wanting the Nice Guy who gives the feeling of giving more fulfillment.
There is a significant difference between “like being spoiled” and “feel entitled to being spoiled”. I like being spoiled, too, but I would NEVER expect it. It isn’t fair to men to expect them to pay for everything while YOU determine suitability; they are also determining suitability. Even if you say how much you appreciate them, words are cheap and need action to back them up. There is nothing wrong with either going dutch or taking turns paying right up front, and there is no reason to dump that expense on the man. I always offer to split the bill. I’ve never had a man take me up on that, but I do offer, and I have the money with me to back it up if they ever do accept.
When you follow this as outlined, it all adds up to something magical. When you embody a love of his Masculinity with your Appreciation for who he is, add in some Gratitude, a Nurturing spirit, an Easy-going nature, an ability to be Trustworthy, and honor his Independence all while captivating him — it all adds up to one thing. The final S is for Soulmate because that’s what you’ll have found.