In his book, Get the Guy, Matthew Hussey—Cosmopolitan columnist, Today show dating expert, motivational speaker, relationship guru, and matchmaker—reveals the secrets of the male mind and the fundamentals of dating and mating for a proven, revolutionary approach to help women to find lasting love.
But heightened sensitivity to a woman’s sex drive can be dulled by the mere existence of commitment. Florida State psychologists Saul Miller and Jon Maner report in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology that while single men rate a woman as particularly attractive at her peak fertility, men in a long-term relationship consider her less appealing.
If it doesn’t, let’s say you’d rather settle down and raise a family in one place rather than travel, then your visions aren’t aligned. It won’t feel to him like you’re helping him move towards his dreams (just like it won’t feel like he’s helping you towards your dreams either). If that’s the case, then it’s not a good match.
Find eligible men at gay bars. Do a search online and find the most popular gay bars in your area. Read reviews on each of the bars and choose an ambiance that best suits your personality. If you are the quiet type, a subdued, relaxed atmosphere would probably be the best fit for you. If you’re more of a party animal, look for dance clubs in your area.
Nice tips Jeremy.They are really helpful. I also want to give one advise to guys. If you want to grab attention of a girl then you also need to make constant Eye contact with her so that she also end up doing the same… 🙂
Dress to kill. Dress in clothes that make you feel sexy. You don’t have to look like a tramp, just keep in mind the styles that are attractive to men. Wear feminine clothing that accentuates your figure and hugs your body just right. Use the colors red or pink to your advantage; remember, men are visual.
And when men were asked to choose which of the film’s scenes they’d like to enact, 40 percent chose a romantic encounter (read: kissing or caressing without intercourse) while another 15 percent chose an intimate conversation. Only 20 percent chose a full-on sex scene. We may have 1,000 or so sexual fantasies, but only in some of them are we the cable guy who arrives just as you’re getting out of the shower. In others we’re Paul Rudd.
It does take time to find a partner. It also takes time to date them. So, if you are serious about finding someone, you should start building a bit of “dating time” into your schedule. When you are single, that time can be used to go to singles events, or more social hobbies, and meet new people. When you find someone to date, you can use that time to go out with them. Therefore, a big part of having a plan is “planning” the time out of your schedule for a love life.
People are on prescription drugs too much, yes. And many people will get an infection of some sort stemming from sex, yes. Although the latter is blown out of proportion, as pretty much anyone who doesn’t live a traditional Mormon lifestyle is going to stumble upon a benign version of HPV, and many will get a general UTI. You can look at it through the “scare lens”, sure.
On the other hand, a small percentage of men who produce a lesser-than-normal amount of testosterone may find themselves getting more attracted to women who are less feminine and more controlling and dominant in the relationship.
Great tips! I have come across many articles that have give all kinds of advices, but none that talk about the aura and owning our space.. these are critical in attracting the right kind of people. You have described everything very clearly and precisely, loved reading your hub! 🙂
Some people keep dating the wrong kind of guy or gal because they fall for the scarcity trap. They keep chasing what they cannot have. Sometimes this is an ego thing (“I’m going to show him how good I am!”). Other times, it is a low self-esteem thing (“what do I have to do to get her to love me?”). In either case, however, they mistake this partner’s disinterest and scarcity for actual value.
9. The Internet. Online dating used to be for computer nerds and agoraphobics, but times have changed. There are now millions of nice, normal guys a mere click away. “It’s becoming one of the best ways to meet people, as it allows you to sift through large numbers of people while sitting in your own home,” says author Atwood. Of course, one does have to read the ads with a skeptical eye — the veteran online dater understands that words like “tall” and “fit” are pretty subjective. But as a woman, the odds are in your favor when you use Internet dating — Match.com, one of the nation’s largest online dating services, reports that 62 percent of its members are men.
Preening goes back to taking up your space – sort of, but it’s a highly female thing to do. Men truly love seeing a woman preen a little, not in an overly obvious or vulgar way. Ever. Good preening requires subtlety. No need to overdo it. You’re simply “smoothing your feathers.” Indeed, preening gets to the heart of flirting and in creating an aura of mystique.
Beyond that, if you have female friends, keeping their company can also help you attract other women. This is a bit different though. Rather than being seen as a dominant male by joking with other men, you will be seen as a valuable male by having other women already choose to be in your company. This is called “mate choice copying” in the literature. Women generally prefer and take notice of men who are approved of by other women… So, if you have female friends, hang out with them too…
“Write down all the traits of the type of person you have liked, are attracted to or have dated, and whittle it down to 10 qualities,” says Whitney Casey, author of The Man Plan. When picking guys in the new year, you can keep three of those 10 qualities—for the other seven, go for different types of traits. “Any time you’re on a date and you notice that there are more than three common traits from your list, you don’t give it another date. Stop right there.”
Just how does such a thing work? Well, you’re going to want to remember the acronym “MAGNETICS” and get ready to get loved up! Without further ado, here’s how to make a man fall in love with you in 9 easy steps.
Now before you attack that idea as sexist, we’re really just talking about two people who come together to love, care for and make each other’s life even better by forming a cooperative partnership here. The real beauty of a relationship is when two people come together with a desire to give rather than just take. That’s when the magic is unleashed.
I know that the simple answer to my situation would be to just ‘get a life’ bt even that does not stopped me from obssessing about my boyfriend, i would be out having fun but the minute i walk into my door i call him up, its pathetic.
Sometimes in relationships, we can get blinded by the good parts. But what about the not-so-good parts? If your significant other fits any of these descriptions, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship.
Anyway, the most important factor to keep in mind when we wish to attract a man is to create an “aura of intrigue” in a such a way that it leaves a positive and subtle impression on the observer. In other words, you never want to be too obvious or seem as if you are desperate for attention. Subtlety is the key.
Now when it comes to “getting” your man, there is one thing you must not do if you want a man to see a future with you. Do not treat him like some kind of project that needs to be fixed because it immediately brings up the walls. If you have the urge to try to change his clothes, his circle of friends, the way he talks, what he loves to do — don’t do it!
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To start, you must rid your mind of (or at least become aware of) the perception biases you currently have about men. According to Bob Grant, “A perception bias is where you see something based on your own way of thinking, and you then impose that belief onto other people or situations.” Common perception biases many women have about men are:
If you’re a girl that likes to joke around then you’re definitely in advantage if wondering how to attract men. And if you are serious, than just loosen up a bit, you don’t have to be a stand-up comedian for a guy to think you’re funny.
On the other hand, that type of man is not entirely “worthless for everyone”. A woman of equal value may indeed like that type of male. Or, more specifically, they might be a balanced match for her (i.e. the best she can get herself). Again, that is why an honest self-assessment is necessary. Just as not all men can get a brilliant beauty, not all women can catch the eye of a well-muscled, CEO.
If you focus on being in the best possible mood you can be while you’re around him, your vibe will automatically be good. And when your vibe is good, he’ll feel good around you – which he needs in order to want to be around you more.
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In other words, saying you value physical attractiveness doesn’t make you more likely to feel a spark with those you consider physically attractive, the researchers report in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. “When men say they care about physical attractiveness more than women, what that should mean is that attractiveness buys you more romantic desirability if you’re a woman than if you’re a man,” says Eastwick, now at Texas A&M University. “Our study showed that in fact that wasn’t the case.”
“One of the ironies of the day is how proficient so many women are at choosing men who communicate poorly by assuming those men who are most responsive to the female’s ‘signals’ provide the best relationships.”
Men want to feel manly and significant. They want to provide for you, it’s just their nature to be that way. However, a man will only want to give to a woman who can happily receive what he has to offer, not one who is going to make unnecessary demands in order to feel good about herself and secure in the relationship. A woman who tries to get this assurance from the outside will always be unsatisfied and there is nothing more unappealing to a man than an unhappy woman.
“A practical guide to understanding a man’s point of view about love and romance and how a woman can optimize self-esteem and integrity to find the love she deserves.” (Judith Orloff, MD, New York Times best-selling author of Emotional Freedom)
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You can definitely see your enthusiasm in the paintings you write. The arena hopes for even more passionate writers such as you who aren’t afraid to mention how they believe. All the time go after your heart.
For me personally, I like it when a woman puts in effort to do makeup that enhances how she already looks but does not pile on the foundation and then add a bunch of different powders and whatnot to it.
How do I “They go out and meet people.” ? I can set aside an evening or 2 or a weekend afternoon. What strategies do you suggest for meeting women? I’ve been reading you for about a year now. I am totally sold on your whats and whys, and definitely want to hear more on your hows.
Oh, and about the non-smiling and arm crossing thing…mostly I do this when I’m not in my car and walking around L.A. by myself, so I’m guilty too. Comes from the days of selling postage meters door-to-door in Inglewood and Downey. People didn’t much care for automated postage, and let me know. Go figure.
For example, suppose you’re sitting somewhere, say at a cocktail party, and plenty of interesting men are milling about. Now is your time to preen. You can decide to smooth your skirt… simply run your hand from thigh to knee (while he’s watching, of course), or you might adjust the strap of your high heel ever so slightly, and then gently splay your fingers softly from ankle to mid-calf. Just checking, you know… to see if everything is in place. You’re preening a little.
Being well-rounded also includes being a global citizen who invests in learning about different cultures and countries. Nothing expands your mind faster than traveling the world to discover the best other cultures have to offer.
You probably don’t realize it, but your advice here is the same as a toothpaste ad which has been running on tee-vee recently. It shows a youngish woman by herself at some beach-side patio cafe who spots a guy there she wants to meet. It shows her passively sitting there with her Cinderella Complex looking all wistful/dreamy, and with a vague smile on her face, while the voice-over says “First, you’ve got to get him to say Hello”.
Similarity to his mom: Trust me, if there is Megan Fox and if there is a girl who is similar to his mom, he would rather give up the former. Maybe because right from the childhood they saw their moms as the epitome of a perfect woman, that they desire women similar to them.
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Be sure to attract a decent guy though. It pains me to see a decent girl ending up with a worthless man. Women can do so much better than settle down with a worthless man. Women are independent and they can do their own thing. We don’t need a worthless man in our lives. We need a man that will complement us. We need a man that would go the extra mile just to make ends meet. We want a partner for life, not a liability. Let’s take a stand for all the independent women in the world. They deserve better men.
it’s natural instincts. Men evolved to want to protect/provide because women are physically weaker, and so would have a hard time protecting themselves/kids. Also, Japanese women have jobs, and they still act feminine. And a man would have had to be aggressive and dominant to hunt, and to protect children/women. (who are physically weaker) If a women is all masculine, it makes her less attractive, because that’s not what a man instinctively wants in a woman. Why would a man be attracted to a woman that shows traits of someone with high testosterone? And how would that trigger his protective instincts in any way whatsoever?
What’s the most attractive way to focus on pleasure? Focus on both your pleasure and his. Make your own pleasure a priority without ignoring the fact that you want him to feel satisfied at the same time.