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Realize differences in communication. Men can often miss the subtle messages that people send in their body language. Don’t judge a guy because of this; it’s just the way men are. Subtle body language like smiles only make a man think that you might like him; he can’t assume it means you’re interested without being accused of being a self-absorbed jerk. To drive the point home, gradually introduce more “obvious” body language like playful touches on the arm, playful banter and teasing, winks, inside jokes, playfulness, or (when you know him better) attempts to find a man’s ticklish spots. (Don’t be afraid to kindly tease him over minor things – people who pretend a man is perfect are regarded as weak in their eyes.) Flirting will not only show him you like him enough to get that physical and playful, but also help to break the physical barrier and allow a man to feel more comfortable making a few advances to you. But don’t forget to look at how he is reacting to you.
I’ve been absolutely blessed to have been watching Rachael Ray when Matt was a guest on the show. I signed up for emails the same hour his segment finished airing. Though I never signed up for the thorough and elaborate step by step process, I’ve learned quite a bit about myself as well as how others and men perceive me. After leaving my husband of 6 years (not long but long enough), I had men asking me out one after the other. Six guys in a four week period wanted to date ME! ME, of all people. I declined five out of the six because I didn’t NEED a man, nor every date possible. The only one I didn’t decline is such a wonderful, caring, and handsome 😉 man that values me. For once, I’ve found someone that brings as much to the table as I do. I was a very clingy, disgustingly desperate feeling woman in the beginning, but I’ve discovered that I AM VALUABLE just as I am. I’m a slightly heavy woman, not obese, but curvy, and I’m with the most fit, trim, gorgeous, kindhearted, and romantic man I’ve ever met. He’s nearly straight from a romance novel. If I hadn’t found you, Matt, I’m sure I would still be the same lonely and needy woman that I once was. Thank you for everything.
I’ll preface this by saying the few dating/relationship books I’ve flipped through or read descriptions for often come across as very condescending to women. This is especially true if meant to unveil the “male mind” and give it to us straight – the “ugly truth” type of stuff. They make women feel bad for being women. You come away from just one little paragraph feeling like men essentially don’t like women (beyond the physical). We’re told we need to be more feminine, but also think like men, less clingy, but not too independent – etc. Here is a book which focuses less on how women need to change their nature, needs, desires, etc, as if we’re hopelessly incompatible with men by nature, and instead it focuses on social skills & positive thinking modes for attracting & developing relationships with compatible men we actually like & who are worth OUR time & energy.
Other than the anti-feminist rants, this article provides nothing of substance. Just poorly understood evopsych mumbo jumbo. Women don’t have curves because the body has energy to waste, we have curves because they facilitate childbirth and nursing. And if you’re going to claim women don’t know how to be feminine, try offering some suggestions about how to do so. Oh you don’t know? Cause youre full of shit?? OK
Men and women are designed to be complements, not “equals”. In other words, men are designed to excel in certain areas of a relationship (administration, logical thinking, etc.), and women are also designed to excel in different areas of a relationship (nurturing, emotions, etc.). The abilities are equal, but they are DIFFERENT AND COMPLEMENTARY abilities.
I agree with Django. All the women who attacked the OP with all your hate and bile are just… well… reluctant to accept the truth. The truth is, a truly feminine woman makes you hateful dykes feel threatened. It makes you “women” feel insecure because deep down even you know no man will ever fall for you and will obviously choose the sweeter more feminine girl.
Men like to be around positive and happy people, because that attitude can reflect on them as well. Smile, because it automatically motivates a man to approach you. Attract men with your happy disposition, because this trick can be applied to almost every single guy out there. No man wants to approach a woman that is grumpy and sad looking. Appearing grumpy will make you unattractive no matter how good-looking you are. You don’t have to smile at everyone, but if you see a guy you like, let your smile tell him he’s welcome to approach you. He won’t miss the sign.
“Matthew’s methods are working… Those who would previously never dream of going up to a man are hunting them down in double figures. Phone numbers are collected like the spoils of victory… [We become] an army of women from whose charms no man is safe.” (Emma Messenger, The Daily Mail)
Talk about how you do not want to rush her and you do not want to make her feel uncomfortable in any way. Tell her that you will wait until she is ready, even if it means waiting years. She’ll appreciate these words.
This is a great post. I have always noticed when I would go out with some of my friends how their behavior would change around men. I always tried to tell them to relax.I definitely agree about the not talking about your exes. Not only have I heard my friends do it, but I used to have this problem too. Great advice. Love the post. I am sharing this with all my girl friends.
But some things have changed. One re-creation of the classic study, which was conducted by an international group of researchers and published in Human Nature, found that men are much more likely to date a woman than they had been in 1989. Although the updated study was conducted on paper, not in person, it included a larger and more diverse population of men, and it varied the attractiveness of the sex solicitor. More men were willing to date a “slightly unattractive” woman than were willing to sleep with an “exceptionally attractive” woman, 87 percent to about 82.
Hi.. Have bought the Attract any man deal and have received nothing. Have also sent email requesting help but haven’t received any reply.. Not sure if ive just been ripped off or there is something I’ve completely missed.
[…] For the male perspective on turn-ons and turn-offs, written by three of my favorite male dating bloggers (Jackie Summers, The Urban Dater, Jeffrey Platts and Fishy) see this collaborative post by Kelly Seal. […]
Hi FlourishAnyway. Thank you for sharing the hub! I’m happy that you enjoyed that particular section–about owning your space. It really does pay off where men are concerned, but I will say that sometimes some “petty” women will get a little catty about it…but that’s there problem and not ours. As always, I appreciate your insight about the positive and confident signals we send out.
Well, hello brake12. It’s true that some women are naturals. The good news is that good habits can be learned with enough commitment. It’s worth the extra effort–for sure!. Also, Aubrey, I thank you for pinning. I’m delighted that you enjoyed the hub.
Men want to feel manly and significant. They want to provide for you, it’s just their nature to be that way. However, a man will only want to give to a woman who can happily receive what he has to offer, not one who is going to make unnecessary demands in order to feel good about herself and secure in the relationship. A woman who tries to get this assurance from the outside will always be unsatisfied and there is nothing more unappealing to a man than an unhappy woman.
Men want a partner who can laugh at herself and who has courage and strength. They want a woman who can see her part in relationship dynamics and own it. She has to be emotionally stable. Men want a woman who is developing herself personally, and who takes responsibility for her emotional experience. Women think men only want to have a good time. Women think men have no interest in developing and growing a relationship or developing and growing themselves. Women think men want women who are supermodels, and that they never consider whether a woman is emotionally mature, kind, supportive, or loving.
Honestly stopped reading when you mentioned Asian girls and continued on for a paragraph or two. Guys say they don’t like being compared, but go on an compare girls to other girls. It’s like someone saying ‘oh, girls like big penises. Check out any black guy’s package and you could see why no girl in their right mind would deny one. Wait though, there are a lot of guys who are well endowed *not just black guys* – but mainly black guys’. See what i’m saying? I’m half thai myself, and have met many MANY terribly not cute Asian girls – and white, black, hispanic, every girl of the ‘racial rainbow’.
When someone tells you that the best way to attract someone is by being yourself, well, they’re not entirely right. All of us change all the time. And not every change that we see in ourselves may be in the right direction.
The way you ask the first question, it sounds like you are the one putting forth all the effort to make the relationship work. But cheating is ALWAYS the cheaters fault. A person CHOOSES to cheat. You can’t MAKE them cheat so no matter how bad the relationship was before, no matter how many arguments you may have gotten into, no matter whether he was drunk or not, HE still CHOSE to cheat.
Let’s get one thing straight ..I LOVE being feminine but it doesn’t mean just Bc im a traditional woman that I don’t have my own things going on with career too , ..ladies , there CAN be some of both without u being so threatened by men why do you have to be SO extreme ??! I can’t stand an overbearing woman ….
One “striking” finding, to borrow the report’s own word, was a very strong connection between a man’s relationship satisfaction and his frequency of physical intimacy. Not physical intimacy as in sex, but physical intimacy as in kissing, cuddling, and general, not necessarily sexual, caressing. The odds of a man being happy in his relationship increased by a factor of three if he snuggled up regularly.
Response: What good is accepting something that is a failure? How effective is bringing out the best in something that is a failure? No one is perfect nor can someone be perfect. Listen, turn him into what you want him to be, but, do it right. The process won’t always work because some people are to ignorant to believe that they should be better for you, but if they are willing, then it is possible. The thing is you aren’t perfect either, but relationships are all about two individuals benefiting each other. This means that you both are going to mold each other, although, one may be making more of an impact than the other.
Follow the Golden Rule. That means apply the same rules to yourself that you’d apply to others, including him. Real men do in fact notice this; they just don’t scream it out. For example, if he tells you he has a girlfriend and things are not working out, Stop! and think ladies and gentlemen that this could be a “test” on how you would handle the situation, so stand your ground and cut off communication (hint: “Golden Rule”). Second example: if you do want to try finding his ticklish spots, then don’t complain one bit if he tries finding yours in return. Don’t go on about how you “don’t NEED no man!” or about “men this, men that” if you don’t want him treating you the same way. DO, on the other hand, treat him–and others–with respect, dignity, and honor. Others will notice, too, and who knows–if they know you want a good, real man but don’t yet have one, they just might introduce you to one!
What an eye-opener, i hate it when men act desperate with me and yet when I like I guy sometimes I can act so desperate around them and its so true that its caused by panic, from now on all panic is banished!
Secondly, always try to wear clothes that are somewhat form fitting, but not too tight and never baggy – you don’t want to look like you’re revealing too much or hiding too much. In other words, give the sweats and the shapeless dress a break every now and again, and wear something pretty. Also, don’t worry if you are carrying some extra weight. You can still show your curves!
Ideally, this situation is fixed by understanding why your emotions are intense and then making a better, logical decision. It is understanding that your emotions are not really providing accurate information that will help. They are being influenced by the situation.
Be a woman who makes him feel great about himself and makes him feel needed. Men love the girls who play to their ego and make them feel like Superman. If a guy doesn’t understand how he is needed in your life, he won’t fall in love with you.
Women are the prime target of marketers, social media and politicians. They had managed to manipulate women’s thoughts bombarding them with the “how to” messages: how to dress to impress, how to walk and talk, how to acquire the ideal body shape, even how to express themselves.
Well, with five brothers in your life, some of this stuff might seem “unique”….but it’s really quite universal—though less so nowadays. However, it’s all great fun! Here’s to our feminine side. Nice to have you stop by Jewels. (Great name)
Don’t be the bad guy. Girls, as much as you don’t believe it, like the guy who listens to them more than the tough guy. Yes, they want to feel protected physically, but nothing beats being emotionally protected. This is very important.
Listen to the way he talks to you, also his body communication. Try to find things in common to keep a conversation going. Men always love a girl or guy who could just be themself around him, and in public.
Yes. I actually just wrote this cliché. I can’t believe I am even writing it but it’s such a concise way to describe one of the most attractive things to most men: a woman who is presentable and one way when she’s interacting with the world but behind closed doors brings out an entirely different wild, sexual side.
I love him and can’t let him go but I find it difficult to talk freely and openly to him like before specially after that cheating thing. I do every single tip of the above to keep our relationship and he is complaining that I’ve changed!
Catherine Eade, a divorced mum-of-three, has attended a course to help her get back on the dating scene after 16 years in coupledom. Here she shares the 10 top tips she learned from her male tutor for attracting a man.
Find eligible men at gay bars. Do a search online and find the most popular gay bars in your area. Read reviews on each of the bars and choose an ambiance that best suits your personality. If you are the quiet type, a subdued, relaxed atmosphere would probably be the best fit for you. If you’re more of a party animal, look for dance clubs in your area.
Lastly, a man needs time alone every now and then. We do not like to be continually smothered all the time. It is not because we do not love our woman any less, we just need time alone to space out and unwind. Be it going fishing, reading a book, video games, watching the game with mates…men NEED this time to function properly. It’s a phenomenon I can’t explain, but when I do not get my alone time, I start to feel suffocated. My fiancee has finally realized this and since then, our relationship has been going so much better.
2) Work – People who work together tend to share many common bonds and interests. Part of this is because working together allows individuals to get to know each other and establish a base line friendship before moving into a relationship.
Falling in love is meeting somebody you’ve never met before. Falling in love is letting go, and feeling vulnerable, open, and damn, a little scared. It’s a beautiful thing. So, let go. Because you’ll never be able to control love, so don’t try.
Need your advice on a guy I meet about 3 weeks ago and he is pulling away. We had a rocky start when we met and I had 2 great dates but then I did not text him for 2 days as I did not want to chase him and seem needy. Long story short I texted him and he flipped. He said I did not make him feel wanted and I was saying words were not backed up by actions. So after much arguing I apologized to him and showed up with a card at his house as a surprise to back up my words with action. Again he flipped and said I was way too much to deal with. So damned if you do damned if you don’t. I texted him a day after that but he did not acknowledge my feelings at all so I told him I was hurt. He flipped out again and said I had no idea what was going on his life. Anyways another argument that ended in him apologizing. This was on Friday night and the weekend went by and never asked me out nor have I heard from him in 3 days since the argument. Should I just leave this and move on??? or should I wait it out? Should send him a text? I just feel like he is going to what he wants anyways no matter what I do its wrong?? HELP me Eric.
Does sending a facebook message to a random guy you just met in person look really desperate? I decided to take the plunge, and he replied but I’m still worried I look ‘desperate’. How do I play it cool?
I would also suggest developing an additional “social” personal hobby. Depending on your current interests, perhaps there are some aspects of your hobbies now that could be more social (e.g. interest groups, meet-ups, conventions, etc.). That can be a good way to practice being more social and expand your friendship network. Perhaps you will find love that way. Or perhaps, you will make a good friend who will introduce you to his sister, cousin, girlfriend’s friend, etc. Networking works just as well in love as it does in business. A good referral goes a long way too 🙂
Respected relationship expert Dr. Pat Allen suggests using red lipstick, since our 4-legged primate ancestors once attracted their male counterparts with their swollen vulvas. Now that we are on 2 legs, parts are, well… quite hidden, so evolution has passed the mating magnet to another pair of exposed lips.
There is no greater feeling to a man that that of being truly seen and appreciated for who he is by the woman he cares about. The trouble is a lot of women can’t see past the things he isn’t doing right. And what’s worse is a lot of women will harp on a man over these things, which makes him less inclined to do the things she wants. Instead, it makes him feel like a failure and he will shut down as a result.